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The Glass Wall (Sawyer/Kate, Jack) - R

Title: The Glass Wall
Pairing: Sawyer/Kate, with a side of Jack/Sawyer/Kate
Summary: All he can do is wait
Rating: R
Spoilers: Up through "I Do." I started this right after "Every Man For Himself," so it follows some elements of canon after that and ignores other ones.
Notes: An early birthday present for eponine119, who, I think, loves the OT3 like I do. Many thanks to cmonkatiekatie and zelda_zee for the beta. Claiming for fanfic100 prompt "Sight"



He stares straight ahead, his mind blank, as he mechanically chews the food they’ve left for him. Refusing to eat was only making him weak, so he gives in, does what they want. He has to keep up his strength, because God knows what they have in store for him.

The intercom on the wall crackles to sudden life. It startled him the first time, but it’s done that before. Just meaningless noise.

But this time, the hair on the back of his neck stands up when he hears a voice underneath the static. A man is screaming. What the hell are you doin’?

He freezes. Sawyer. He doesn’t breathe, in case the voice goes away, in case he hears only static again.

A different voice comes through. Not Sawyer’s. Bite down on this. There’s one last, muffled scream of pure panic and then the intercom goes dead.

He spits out the food and doubles over, his hand covering his mouth. Sawyer is in this building, and god knows what they’re doing to him. He might have just heard Sawyer’s last words on earth.

Rage and sorrow hit him in successive waves. Rage wins out. He throws the bowl of food across the room. If they’re doing this to get a reaction out of him, they might as well know they’ve succeeded.

He wants to punch that speaker box. Demand they produce Sawyer. Except he’s not in a position to make demands. All he can do is wait by the box, wait to hear it come to life again.

----

For the first time, he wishes he were alone. Kate’s too smart to take him at his word that they didn’t do a goddamn thing to him. He can’t stand to look at her right now. Even from twelve fuckin’ feet away, that stare of hers, anxious and concerned, is making him feel even more helpless.

He can’t even tear up his cell. Can’t rage around, cursing, like he wants to. Gotta keep his damn heart in line. He turns his back to her and lets his head rest on his knees. Of all the fucked-up things you could do to a guy, this isn’t one that’d ever crossed his mind, that’s for damn sure.

He’s been behind bars before, got out pretty much the same man he went in. Can’t say the same thing now. He’s not getting out of this new cage unless they see fit to take the fucking thing out of his chest.

The rabbit didn’t scream, at least. He’d always heard they could.

---

When the intercom starts speaking again, he can’t make sense of the voices coming through. Nothing cuts through static like a scream, but there aren’t any more screams. He doesn’t know whether to be relieved or worried.

It was a mistake bringing those two here, a man says, and then she appears, splattered in blood. She says it’s not Sawyer’s. He wants to refuse, wants to hold out until they can produce Sawyer, alive and well, but there’s no time. Someone is dying. It doesn’t matter who.

He goes with her, not because he has no choice, but because he can’t refuse. He will have to keep his questions until later.

---

Sawyer’s always been sensitive to noise, always wanted to tune out the traffic, the cell phone conversations, neighbors arguing, babies crying.

But here noise means news. Whispers between the people holding them here, snippets overheard from the squawk of a walkie talkie. And this morning, frenzied shouts in the background. Confusion. One of us shot one of them, and that makes Sawyer feel damn good. He hopes she dies. ‘Bout time one of them hurt instead.

So when the alarm blares he knows something big is going down. He rushes to the edge of his cage, presses his head to the bars.

He sees him before Kate does -- even though there’s a bag over his head, Sawyer would know that tattoo anywhere -- but Kate is the first to yell, “It’s Jack.”

They lead him past their cages, five of them, three with rifles, but Jack’s hands are free and he’s not fighting them.

Kate yells “Jack!” over and over and he yells “Doc!” as loud as he can but they can’t be heard over the alarm. But Jack must hear them; his footsteps falter and he turns in their direction, but his captors don’t let him stop.

They disappear out of view, and the alarm dies.

Kate gives Sawyer a despairing glance, like that was the last they’ll ever see of him.

But the sight of Jack gives Sawyer hope. They need the doc and that might be good for all of them. Unless Jack can’t save that woman’s life.

----

Kate. He knows it was Kate calling his name. And only one person on the island calls him “Doc.” No one can see Jack smile under the bag.

---

He tells Kate to run, but she doesn’t. He wants to run, but he can’t and he can’t tell her why. He hates the look on her face; pity or disgust. She hasn’t looked at him like that in a long time.

They need Jack, everyone needs Jack, but Sawyer’s just a handy punching bag when things go wrong.

He winces as he dabs at the oozing cuts on his face. All he can do is wait for whatever comes next and keep taking blows meant for other people.

---

She opens the cage, but there’s nowhere to go. It doesn’t matter now what happens to him. Never did. But she’s here and she’s begging him to run. Her eyes are anguished, frantic.

“There ain’t no place to go. We ain’t on our island. We’re on another island,” he says bitterly, throwing his arms wide.

Her face crumbles, like he knew it would when she found out they don’t stand a chance. She was close to tears already, and now they stream down her face.

She doesn’t love him. That was just a lie, to spare him. So why does she take his head in her hands, why does she lean up to kiss him? Why does she bury her head against his chest and make those little whimpering noises?

When she steps back, she’s breathing hard and so is he and there’s a softness in her eyes he hasn’t seen before. She’s going to leave now, be a good girl and go back to her cage, except that she’s looking at him with something more than pity. More than need.

Now he’s the one to grab her and pull her into a kiss, turn her around so the bars are at her back. He kisses her hard, like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do, the last thing he’ll ever want to do.

She reaches for his shirt, yanking it down his shoulders. He has to stop and look at her, make sure she’s real, this is real, and then she smiles, a crazy, relieved smile she might have been keeping for a damn rescue boat, and all his hesitation is gone.

He could always get hard just thinking about her, but now the way she’s panting, the way she’s looking at him with a kind of dizzy wonder is better than any daydream.

She reaches overhead, grabbing onto the bars, and he clasps her wrists, like he has to force her to stay, even as her hips rock up into him. He lets go only to pull her shirt over her head. He runs his hands down her body, gasping at the feel of her skin against his. The heat coming off her is hotter than the sun on his back.

She’s undoing his belt, fingers fumbling in her haste, and he should tell her to stop, tell her they’re being watched, but there’s no time for should. Tomorrow, they’re going to kill him but he’s not dead yet.

He picks her up and she clings to him, her mouth soft and wet and needy. She’s saying all the right things and then her hand is on his cock and dear God, he’s going to come before he’s even inside her.

He should put his shirt down for her to lie on, but she doesn’t care or doesn’t notice that there’s nothing but dirt. She arches up when he enters her, teeth sinking into her lower lip. She needs him deeper, pulls him closer, green eyes hazy with desire and even if she doesn’t love him, she’s his. Right now, for this moment, she’s his.

---

Jack hasn’t really paid attention to the television for days now. He never did care much for cartoons. He waits for the next visit, for voices to come over the intercom, for some variation to the daily routine and numbing solitude.

He doesn’t talk when one of them enters. He spends so much time waiting, he can wait until they speak. It’s all a game to them and he’s still learning the rules.

He’s not surprised when she comes in without food. She’s not hurried this time. There’s no crisis. She walks over to the TV and puts in a videotape and his heart clenches when he realizes what he’s seeing. Kate with Sawyer, half-naked. Fucking. Sawyer’s back is to him but of course it’s him. The mess of blonde hair, the slant of his shoulders, the dimples in the small of his back that mirror those on his face. Those telltale dimples deepen each time Sawyer thrusts; the play of muscles on his back and ass somehow more obscene than Jack could ever have imagined.

Jack's hand goes to his mouth. He should not be watching this.

The way Kate arches up to kiss him with such complete abandon ... they can’t know they’re being recorded. He tears his eyes away from the screen to Juliet’s face and that constant smirk is even deeper than usual.

“Why are you showing me this?” His voice sounds tight, strangled.

She doesn’t answer, just leans against the wall, her head lowering to her chest, eyes still on him.

“Why are you showing me this?” He shouts it this time, banging on the glass.

Juliet's face is neutral but he can see a glint of satisfaction in her eyes. He forces himself to calm down. He doesn’t want her to know what this is doing to him.

So he turns his attention back to the tape. There’s no sound, but from the way Sawyer’s body shudders and then stills, he knows he’s watching Sawyer come.

He blows out a breath, trying to stay calm. Of course. They only have each other. They’re in danger. It makes perfect sense. It’s a wonder it never happened before. If it never happened before.

If their roles were reversed, if Sawyer were here and he were in that cage, would he be fucking Kate now? He imagines Sawyer sitting here in his place, watching him with Kate, and the wave of arousal that hits him is so strong he has to close his eyes and force himself to think of something else.

When he opens his eyes again, he sees Sawyer roll to the side. Kate doesn’t break contact; she trails her hand over his stomach and nestles her head into the hollow of his shoulder. He sits up, cradling Kate in his arms and Jack has to bite his lip. They look so right together.

He sees Sawyer’s battered face for the first time, the bandage on his chest, the one Kate lays her hand over. Just pity, he tells himself. They beat him up and she felt sorry for him. Except he can see it’s more than that.

There’s a dull ache spreading out from his heart to his stomach. He’d had so many chances with her, but it never felt right. It wasn’t the right time or he didn’t quite trust her or he didn’t think it was wise. Sawyer pulls her in closer and Jack can almost feel the warmth of her bare skin under his own fingers.

When she kissed him ... when she kissed him, it was a mistake. She didn’t mean it.

Her fingers rub over Sawyer’s arm and his own fingers itch. He doesn’t realize he’s rubbing his thighs until he catches Juliet shifting position out of the corner of his eye, and stops. How many times did he touch Sawyer? How many times did he patch him up? How many hours did he spend at his bedside, bathing his fever away?

He freezes when Sawyer mouths the words. I love you too. The ache in him spreads to his bones, until he feels too heavy to move.

“They make a nice couple, don’t they?” Juliet says, breaking the silence. Her voice is softer now, her expression sympathetic, which is even more maddening. Whatever she’s trying to accomplish, she’s not on his side. She never will be. She’s trying to hurt him, trying to turn him against them. She doesn’t know him at all.

He looks away. At some point, he’s not sure when, she leaves.

The tape keeps playing on a loop. Jack can’t stop watching. He puts his hand up to the glass. He can’t even touch the TV screen.

He might as well have been in a glass cage this whole time. They were both there, right in front of him. He only had to reach out.

If he ever sees them again, if they ever get out of here, it will be different.

He presses his head against the glass wall. He’s never felt so close to them.

Comments

( 38 comments — Leave a comment )
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eponine119
Nov. 16th, 2006 05:31 am (UTC)
I just loved this. You're right, I do love the OT3, and you did it perfect justice here.

There are so many lines and so many little touches in this story that are so accurate and right. The line about how the rabbit didn't scream absolutely gave me chills.

The last section is my favorite. It captures Jack's longing for both Sawyer AND Kate beautifully, especially in the last couple of lines.
halfdutch
Nov. 16th, 2006 06:05 am (UTC)
Oh good! I'm so glad it was a suitable birthday present! :) I know Jack was hurt, in canon, as anyone would be, but I like to think that there's more there as well.

Happy Early Birthday!!! Wanted to get this in before the holiday rush!
(no subject) - eponine119 - Nov. 16th, 2006 06:47 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - Nov. 16th, 2006 06:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
philomel
Nov. 16th, 2006 07:43 am (UTC)
a crazy, relieved smile she might have been keeping for a damn rescue boat

Really nice detail. And I love the complexity of Jack being aroused by both the idea of fucking Kate as well as the idea of Sawyer watching them. I also love how this comes together, not only with the title metaphor, but with Jack's thought about the kiss ("she didn't mean it") juxtaposed with Kate's (possible) false "I love you" spoken to Sawyer.

Wonderfully sharp ending. :)


p.s. Is something missing here?
He and runs his hands down her body, gasping....
halfdutch
Nov. 16th, 2006 05:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :) I'm so glad you liked this, especially since I loved your take on "I Do." To me, Jack and Sawyer are not an either/or decision. Why not both? I like to think that Kate loves both of them -- that they all do care for and need each other in nearly equal amounts, not that it's ever that easy. And that two of them getting together doesn't negate the possibility of other combinations of the three of them. Not that the show can ever go there, of course.

And oops, thanks for the typo catch. Actually just an extra "and" there! *excises*
hkath
Nov. 16th, 2006 07:53 am (UTC)
Fabulous. I loved how internal this all was, and especially adored the part where Jack is aroused by the thought of Sawyer watching him with Kate. Says so much about the depth of connection between the three of them.

*hearts*
halfdutch
Nov. 16th, 2006 05:12 pm (UTC)
Perfect icon! ;) Now we just need all three channels to merge!

Glad you liked! As much as I love Sawyer/Kate, I also love the idea of all three of them and firmly believe there is that deep connection there.

*hearts back*
gottalovev
Nov. 16th, 2006 01:26 pm (UTC)
ahhh shit! LJ ate my comment with quotes and everything. *sigh*

but this is well worth doing it all again because I absolutely loved it! so many details, I was tempted to quote it all ;)

Each and every section got to me. Jack reaction to the sounds on the speaker was greatly done. Poor thing, he cannot take being helpless.

The rabbit didn’t scream, at least. He’d always heard they could.
chills for me too. 0_0

Your take of when Jack goes to try and save Colleen was great. I particularly loved this part
Kate. He knows it was Kate calling his name. And only one person on the island calls him “Doc.” No one can see Jack smile under the bag.


The whole Skate cage!sex by Sawyer POV is hot and even tender at the same time. Sawyer obviously cares a lot for her and you made that obvious
She needs him deeper, pulls him closer, green eyes hazy with desire and even if she doesn’t love him, she’s his. Right now, for this moment, she’s his.


The last section, when Jack sees the tape, is riveting. I loved it so much. How he thinks about the way he interacted with the both of them before and how he longs to touch the screen. wow.
If he ever sees them again, if they ever get out of here, it will be different. He presses his head against the glass wall. He’s never felt so close to them.

a fabulous fic. thank you ♥
halfdutch
Nov. 16th, 2006 05:14 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much, hon! This is the kind of feedback every writer dreams of!! Writing so close to canon always feels risky so I'm so pleased to hear that you liked all of this. And aww, thanks also for doing all the work in commenting twice. With quotes! :-)

♥♥♥
foxxcub
Nov. 16th, 2006 05:04 pm (UTC)
*hugs fic*

halfdutch
Nov. 16th, 2006 05:15 pm (UTC)
*hugs you*

Hope you're feeling better today!

♥♥♥
(no subject) - foxxcub - Nov. 16th, 2006 05:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - Nov. 16th, 2006 06:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
juliusschmidt
Nov. 16th, 2006 08:09 pm (UTC)
First (well, after the incoherent sputtering) I'm in love with Jack in this fic.

Second, the link from ficinabottle didn't work for me, so you might want to check that out. Fortunately for me, I was curious enough (the suggestion of this OT3 totally did it) to search it out.

Third, your description of the Sawyer/Kate sex captured the scene perfectly. The hopelessly romantic Skater in me especially loved this line:

He kisses her hard, like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do, the last thing he’ll ever want to do.

Fourth, Juliet watches Jack watch Sawyer and Kate. Yay. In my opinion, that is much hotter than Ben watching Jack watch Sawyer and Kate. *shudders*

Yes, I love this.
halfdutch
Nov. 16th, 2006 08:43 pm (UTC)
Ooh, thank you so much! :-) Especially for hunting this down when the link didn't work. (Thanks for letting me know about that!)

I'm also a hopeless romantic Skater, but of course I still love Jack as well. A way to have your cake and eat it too! :)

And yes, voyeurism is hotter when Ben isn't involved!

falseeeyelashes
Nov. 16th, 2006 09:04 pm (UTC)
So. Good. You kind of blew my brain with this, so let's see if I can maybe be slightly eloquent. Firstly, you write Jack fantastically. I love the repetition of him waiting and listening and how in the end it's him watching behind glass without sound. It's poetic, and I like that. A lot. And you make his pain and desperation so tangible and so Jack. Love it.

And secondly? The Kate/Sawyer. Guh. Just guh. I love Kate/Sawyer so, so much and you elaborated on the cage!sex scene perfectly. I loved this in particular: He has to stop and look at her, make sure she’s real, this is real, and then she smiles, a crazy, relieved smile she might have been keeping for a damn rescue boat, and all his hesitation is gone. Great writing and great fic. Definitely made my day a little better :D
halfdutch
Nov. 17th, 2006 03:07 am (UTC)
Oh wow, thank you! :-) I'm so pleased that you think I did the Skate sex scene justice. I really love all three of them (most of the time, anyway!) and I like to think they care about each other more than the show lets on.

Thanks for reading. And love the icon!
siluria
Nov. 16th, 2006 09:45 pm (UTC)
I'm not an OT3'er in any sense of the word, I tend to shy away completely anything involving Kate, but I read this cos I know you always hit the mark. And you did hit the mark, I found it very believable, probably because you merged it very well with the episode. I still don't like the OT3, but I do think this is a very good piece :)
halfdutch
Nov. 17th, 2006 03:09 am (UTC)
Wow, I'm very touched you would read this though you don't even like Kate. Thank you! And best of all, you liked it! *mwah!* :-)
cmonkatiekatie
Nov. 17th, 2006 04:11 am (UTC)
and then she smiles, a crazy, relieved smile she might have been keeping for a damn rescue boat, and all his hesitation is gone.

did I mention how much I love this bit? cause I do. In addition to, you know, the entire concept and execution :)
halfdutch
Nov. 18th, 2006 07:05 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you, hon! Much appreciated!
(Deleted comment)
halfdutch
Nov. 18th, 2006 07:06 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thank you! zelda_zee insisted that I mention Sawyer's ass! :-)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - halfdutch - Nov. 21st, 2006 06:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
alliecat8
Nov. 18th, 2006 02:09 am (UTC)
All of my words are getting poured into NaNo so please pardon the inarticulate feedback, but I loved this! I think you embellished canon with just the right nuances, from Jack's frustration and pain to Sawyer's longing and his trust of Jack, to Kate's surrender to Sawyer. I agree, Sawyer and Kate did look "right" together, didn't they? Poor Jack, you know that had to hurt him. We must pet him and tell him that *he* and Sawyer will look even more "right," when the inevitable finally happens. ;) Because my bubble refuses to burst!
halfdutch
Nov. 18th, 2006 07:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you, hon. I do think Jack was terribly hurt but to my mind, that doesn't mean he feels that his chance with them is gone. And he certainly won't go looking for love anywhere else! That's my bubble I'm holding onto! Oh man, if he and Sawyer even have a scene together anymore, that would make me very happy. So glad you liked this! ;)
oonak
Nov. 18th, 2006 11:02 pm (UTC)
aw crap I was going to quote the sawyer/kate sex part but started reading it again and wanted to quote everything so I'll just say... THANK YOU. guh, that was awesome. the OT3 stuff still needs to grow on me, but the whole thing was beautiful! :D
halfdutch
Nov. 20th, 2006 07:34 pm (UTC)
Oh wow! ;) I'm so glad you liked it this much, despite being an OT3 fic! Thank you!
meredith44
Nov. 19th, 2006 12:03 am (UTC)
A long ago fic by you is what drew me into the OT3 (and cemented my immersion into the world of Lost on LJ), so it's sort of fitting that this was the first Lost fic that I've read in a very, very long time. Of course, it didn't disappoint. I loved the whole thing, the way you fleshed out the spare scenes that we were shown. Thanks so much for sharing this.
halfdutch
Nov. 20th, 2006 07:37 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you! *hugs* That's such wonderful, amazing feedback! I'm very flattered that a fic of mine was your entry into Lost on LJ and that this was the first one you'd wanted to read in so long. My own love for Lost has ebbed and waned but I do still love the characters. Thanks and hugs!

(And I used to have that icon! I still love it!)
zelda_zee
Nov. 19th, 2006 07:29 am (UTC)
It's a rare fic that can make that OT3 of interest to me, but this one certainly succeeded in doing that and more. I love Jack here, and Sawyer. I love how you completely capture each of them in so few words! (I could never do that.) It's so impressive. Their emotional reactions are pitch perfect. Beautifully done.

And I also love that you've taken canon here and gone to a really fascinating and quite plausible place with it.

I'm adding this to my Memories, and I'll have you know it'll be the only OT3 fic so honored! ;)
halfdutch
Nov. 20th, 2006 07:42 pm (UTC)
Wow! I'm enormously honored and flattered, especially since this isn't really your thing. And thank you for all your kind words here. *is bowled over* And yes, I added Sawyer's ass, just for you! :-)


themoononastick
Dec. 29th, 2006 02:52 am (UTC)
Having finally watched "I Do", I have to say that I like your version of it way better than what we were actually given. But hey, what else is new, I stand by my long held conviction that they should let you write Lost and be done with it. :)

I really like this, I totally felt Jack's emotional reaction to seeing the two of them together, his initial jealousy that turns into longing. I'm so not an OT3 person but damn you make it work so well and so clearly that I could almost be converted.
halfdutch
Feb. 8th, 2007 06:17 pm (UTC)
Having finally watched "I Do", I have to say that I like your version of it way better than what we were actually given. But hey, what else is new, I stand by my long held conviction that they should let you write Lost and be done with it. :)

*loves* Awww! It would be very different if I did! LOL.

And wow, I'm very flattered I could make you feel the OT3 love, just a little. I don't know why that works for me, but it just does. It's the one thing about the show I really agree with. (Even if I wouldn't mind ratcheting it up several notches. ;D)

THANK YOU, HON!
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