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Jack/Sawyer ficlet

Title: First Cut
Pairing: Jack/Sawyer, Sawyer/Kate
Word count: 344
Notes: Just a little impromptu (OMG canon!) ficlet. Spoilers for "I Do." Using for fanfic100 prompt "Life"



Jack's held Sawyer's life in his hands twice, fought blood loss and infection and shock and each time he's won. He lifted him unconscious and heavy and both times managed, somehow, to carry him. Now he holds Sawyer's life in his hands again, but Sawyer isn't even here. The man stretched in front of him, the man who trusted him to save his life, is dying drop by drop because that is the only way to save Sawyer. And her.

He watches the clock, waiting for the hour to tick past, for the headstart he promised Kate and Sawyer. Every minute that passes, they get closer to safety, if there is such a thing here.

He still holds the scalpel, poised to use it if any of them make a move for him, but none of them have tried anything. If they truly wanted Ben dead then this would have ended the second he made that cut. But Ben's life is worth Kate and Sawyer's. And so is Jack's. He has made the trade, the two of them for him.

Alone in his glass cage, Jack had tried to remember the feel of Sawyer's skin under his fingertips. Tried to remember his voice and the way he said "Doc," in that way that sounded like scorn but that he always knew was fondness. He didn't want the last sound of Sawyer's he heard to be those staticky screams that came over the speakerbox. At least in the last image he has of him, on that grainy television monitor, Sawyer looked peaceful. Maybe even happy. He tries to remember if Sawyer ever looked at him like that, with that mixture of awe and tenderness, but the television image is stronger now than his memories.

Seeing them together was as savage a blow as when Sarah left him. He should have seen it coming, but he never did. Jack just never learned. All he could do, all he could ever do, was just pick up the pieces and carry on, alone. But it makes things easier now. He knows exactly what he has to do. He can save Sawyer's life one more time.

He picks up the scalpel and makes the first cut.

Comments

( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
isis2015
Jan. 14th, 2007 06:52 am (UTC)
Jack just never learned. All he could do, all he could ever do, was just pick up the pieces and carry on, alone.

*sigh* God, I love you Jack. This whole thing is just so...Jack, so right inside his head and I adore it as much as it hurts me. And boy, does it hurt me.
halfdutch
Jan. 14th, 2007 07:19 am (UTC)
Thank you, hon. This is a hurty one. It's similar to another fic I wrote, The Glass Wall, except that one was a lot more hopeful. I guess this time I was feeling sorry for Jack, left all alone!
eponine119
Jan. 14th, 2007 07:30 am (UTC)
Nice. I especially like the fourth paragraph, the notion of Jack trying to remember the feel of Sawyer's skin, and perhaps taking some small cold comfort in the fact that Sawyer looked peaceful, even though it was with Kate.

There's a complexity here that's nice, Jack betrayed and saving them in spite of it.
halfdutch
Jan. 15th, 2007 01:47 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you! I just had that little kernel of an idea and I'm glad it came off well. I've seen a lot of fics that deal with Jack and Sawyer coming together after the captivity, but not that many where they had been together beforehand. I just liked the idea of him missing Sawyer desperately.
cmere
Jan. 14th, 2007 07:42 am (UTC)
Asdfkjdsf POOR JACK. I loved this lots.

but the television image is stronger now than his memories.

D: D: D: HE STILL LOVES YOU, JACK.
halfdutch
Jan. 15th, 2007 01:48 am (UTC)
Thank you, hon! And yes, of course he still loves Jack!
ficangel
Jan. 14th, 2007 02:33 pm (UTC)
Oh, Jack. *cuddles and squeezles* That first line was pure brilliance, as was all the rest.
halfdutch
Jan. 15th, 2007 01:53 am (UTC)
Brilliance? Awww, thank you so much hon. *hugs*
foxxcub
Jan. 14th, 2007 04:14 pm (UTC)
Aww. You know I always like fic that picks apart Jack's mindset after seeing the two of them on the TV screen. The determination and confusion mixed with jealousy...*sighs longingly*

Wonderful, hon. :)
halfdutch
Jan. 15th, 2007 01:54 am (UTC)
Thank you, hon. It's a canon moment that just really resonates with me.
cmonkatiekatie
Jan. 14th, 2007 09:43 pm (UTC)
I'm kind of obsessed with the things that can be done with just a handful of words and you, my dear, do not dissapoint. You got right in his head and dredged out so much in such a beautiful, concise way. I like this tons.
halfdutch
Jan. 15th, 2007 02:19 am (UTC)
*adores*

Thank you so much, hon!

gottalovev
Jan. 14th, 2007 10:53 pm (UTC)
awwww. poor Jack *cuddles*

I love how you packed so much feelings in this short piece. thank you ♥
halfdutch
Jan. 15th, 2007 07:20 am (UTC)
Oh thank you so much. :-)
themoononastick
Jan. 14th, 2007 11:16 pm (UTC)
Alone in his glass cage, Jack had tried to remember the feel of Sawyer's skin under his fingertips.

I really like that line, there's a beautiful sense of longing to it.

Love this, wonderfully written (of course) and it fills in what they didn't show us perfectly.
halfdutch
Jan. 15th, 2007 07:24 am (UTC)
Thank you, love. I'm glad that one detail suggested enough more. And I am a little obsessed with that moment, I think. Obviously, I like to read it through OTP goggles, in which case, ouch. And I'd like to think he was just missing Sawyer like crazy before that. My poor boys. They just need to be reunited!
patch_tank
Jan. 14th, 2007 11:43 pm (UTC)
*Snuggles poor sad Jack*
Aww, that was so beautifully sad. I like fics that show a little bit more of what's really going on in Jack's head. And I love his loyalty to Kate and Sawyer.

-Patch
halfdutch
Jan. 15th, 2007 07:26 am (UTC)
Oh thank you! I think all of them are incredibly devoted to the other two -- wherever their romantic feelings lie in our minds or on the show itself. Which makes such a sacrifice hurt that much more. Thanks for reading!
demonqueen666
Jan. 15th, 2007 12:57 am (UTC)
Oh, Jack. *cries*
halfdutch
Jan. 15th, 2007 07:27 am (UTC)
*cradles you and Jack*

I should write him getting some happy reunion sex for a change, shouldn't I?
fosfomifira
Jan. 15th, 2007 01:52 am (UTC)
Poor Jack, he never gives himself a break. Not that life makes things easier for him, but it's as if he's determined not to allow himself to want what he wants. He's always letting go. He's letting Sawyer go before he even got to call him his.
halfdutch
Jan. 15th, 2007 07:30 am (UTC)
Awww. :( You've made me think the fic is even sadder than I intended! Poor Jack. I don't think he does feel he deserves to be happy. He's perpetually alone and I think he's gotten used to that.
hkath
Jan. 20th, 2007 07:02 am (UTC)
Wow, this is awesome. It's like Jack is already thinking of Sawyer & Kate as the past, like he's doing this thing for them now but he's already processing what's happened and putting it behind him, as well.
halfdutch
Jan. 20th, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you, hon! :) Jack's always putting himself last, isn't he? I think he allowed himself that moment of heartbreak and disappointment and then told himself he had to be above it, that he needed to do what he could for them. And, I guess that's what we love about him, that he's willing to sacrifice himself and his own needs, for everyone else.
uhzoomzip
Jan. 22nd, 2007 03:28 pm (UTC)
i like the premise here that jack did it all to save sawyer.

Seeing them together was as savage a blow as when Sarah left him. He should have seen it coming, but he never did. Jack just never learned. All he could do, all he could ever do, was just pick up the pieces and carry on, alone.

oh, poor jack! he needs a hug.
halfdutch
Feb. 8th, 2007 06:12 pm (UTC)
*hugs Jack for you*

i like the premise here that jack did it all to save sawyer.

Awww, of course! He couldn't let his boyfriend be killed!
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )

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