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Title: As Sure as the Sun
Pairing: Jack/Sawyer
Rating: Hard R/NC-17
Spoilers: Through the Looking Glass
Note: Dedicated to birthday girl gottalovev. *smooooch* :) And also written for challenge #48 "Happily Ever After" at lostfichallenge. So yep, this one is a HAPPY post-finale fic. *nods* Just a *smidgen* of angst. Also claiming for fanfic100 prompt "Light."





ETA: The song As Sure as the Sun (m4a) by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.



Jack started awake, his heart still pounding, an unpleasant taste in his mouth. He carefully explored the inside of his cheek with his tongue and found he’d bitten it hard enough to draw blood. He closed his eyes again, relieved to find himself still on the island, safe in Sawyer’s tent, instead of back there. Wherever there was.

Sawyer, who was usually impossible to wake, nestled closer, nudging Jack to turn onto his side so Sawyer could press the full length of his body against Jack's. It was what Jack had always considered spooning but Sawyer sternly insisted was not, under any circumstances to be called spooning, since he wasn’t the type to indulge in anything that disgustingly sweet.

“Thought we had a deal,” Sawyer murmured in that husky early-morning voice that always banished all thoughts of going back to sleep. “I have the shitty nightmares and you say funny things in your sleep that I can tease you about later on.”

Jack shifted, half stretching, half trying to find the perfect position in Sawyer’s arms. “Sorry I woke you.”

Sawyer’s laugh was a low chuckle, a soft burst of air against Jack’s neck. “Only you would apologize for havin’ nightmares, Doc.” Sawyer wrapped him even closer and Jack let his head rest on one of those toned arms that held him tight. Sawyer’s voice deepened, all amusement suspended for the moment. “Bad?”

“Yeah.” Jack hesitated, not sure how to explain the utter, terrifying bleakness of his dream. “We’d all been rescued ... well, some of us. But you weren’t there and I ... I just wanted to die. You know in a dream, everything feels so real? I felt it, here,” he waved vaguely at his stomach. “I used to dream I was back there. Waking up, here, was the nightmare."

“Not this time?” There was just a hint of hurt in Sawyer’s voice.

“Not for a long time,” Jack said firmly. He turned his head and kissed the skin of Sawyer's bicep, tasting the salt and musk there, like he still needed to reassure himself that Sawyer was real, that he was really here on the island with him.

“This time...” Jack drew a deep breath and he told Sawyer all of it. The scene on the bridge. The drinking and the pills and the body in the coffin and Kate not taking his calls and rushing back to someone else.

“So who was I?” Sawyer asked softly after Jack had fallen silent. “The body or the boyfriend?”

”I don’t know,” Jack confessed. “I guess ... it might be the same thing, if you were dead, or dead to me.”

Sawyer broke out in a loud guffaw, startling Jack. “Well, good to know you’d take a break-up well. Either way, I’m a dead man?”

”That’s not what I meant,” Jack said stiffly, pushing Sawyer away and sitting up. It wasn’t quite dawn yet and he shivered as the morning air hit bare skin that just a moment ago had been warmed by Sawyer.

“Easy there,” Sawyer said, propping himself up one arm and fixing Jack with a bemused grin. He seemed to take delight in being sunny when Jack was at his most cranky. “You sure this isn’t still about me and Kate?”

Jack heaved a sigh. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“So why’re you dreamin’ that you’re pinin’ over her in the future?” Sawyer’s forehead wrinkled in a way that seemed to indicate he wasn’t mad, just trying to understand.

"I wasn't," Jack rubbed his forehead, as if he could ward off a fight the same way he'd try to ward off a headache. "You misunderstood me." He dropped his hand, trying to get a read on Sawyer's expression. "Wait ... are we talking about Kate? And you?”

“No,” Sawyer answered slowly, giving him a look like Jack had finally gone round the bend for good. “She ain’t been my girl for a long time now. I traded up, remember? You sure this isn’t about you and Kate? As in how you never ...?”

“No, it isn’t.” Jack snapped. “Besides, Sayid would kill me.”

“That he would,” Sawyer agreed, a slow smile igniting his dimples. “It’s the only reason I’m with your sorry hide, Doc. Cuz Sayid’d kick my ass if I looked Kate’s way again.”

”Right,” Jack nodded, unable to resist Sawyer’s infectious grin. “Clearly we’re only together because we both live in mortal fear of Sayid.”

Sawyer threw up his hands. “Well, duh. Why else would I put up with you yammerin’ in your sleep and gettin’ up at the crack of dawn and lecturin’ at me about not wastin’ our precious resources so I can read till all hours?”

Jack shook his head, trying his hardest not to laugh. “It has nothing to do with those devilish blue eyes, or the way you always get me to laugh -- like now, you bastard,” Jack said, scooting away from Sawyer as he tried to pull him closer, “when I’m in the middle of a major angst and you won’t ever let me ...” And here he had to give up his protest because Sawyer had pinned him to the ground, completely unfairly, and had not only kissed him breathless, but had started to grind his hips into Jack’s through the blanket that was getting thinner by the second.

“You’re impossible,” Jack gasped before Sawyer threw the blanket to one side and slowly, maddeningly, inched his way down Jack’s body.

Jack arched up -- aching and needy now -- as Sawyer trailed soft, wet kisses down his stomach. He wanted to tell Sawyer that he had stopped wanting to go home long ago, that this was home now, here with him. Once the island had been the nightmare but now he couldn’t imagine leaving. Not without Sawyer.

Sawyer’s lips hovered at the line where Jack’s hip joined his torso, and Jack shifted impatiently, anxious to lose himself in the hot, wet oblivion of Sawyer’s mouth, but at the same time, perversely content to wait, since Sawyer knew just how to draw it out, just how to give Jack the best damn blowjob he’d ever had, every time.

Jack had long since stopped caring if the sighs and moans Sawyer wrung from him carried up the beach. He’d stopped caring that Sawyer wasn’t right for him, that Sawyer was probably even more fucked-up than he was, that there was no way in hell this could ever work.

Giving into Sawyer was just like this, this moment where he resisted, his body and soul hanging onto that edge of safety and restraint and should and then, when Sawyer’s mouth closed over his cock, Jack still held back from complete surrender, wanting to keep that last shred of self, even if Jack Shephard, that uptight, self-righteous hardass was long gone. He’d disappeared in a swirl of pleasure, had died gasping of happiness, fallen somewhere along the way to the fatal charms of Sawyer’s knowing blue eyes and fair hair and golden skin and strong arms and sweet ass and divine, dirty mouth.

Sawyer groaned, the vibration of it deep in his throat making Jack writhe. He was so close. He had to open his eyes and watch, watch Sawyer's lips stretched around his cock, watch Sawyer stroking himself, watch until he couldn't anymore, until he lost control and his head snapped back and his eyes squeezed shut.

Ever after, flashed through Jack’s mind as Sawyer brought him, howling, into the morning. His orgasm hit just as the rays of the rising sun flared through the seams of the tent, blinding him with light and heat so intense that it seemed that he was the sun, growing brighter and hotter by the second until he exploded into the sky.

The pleasure spiked and slowly faded, leaving behind a sense of contentment as strong as the dark fear of his nightmare. He lay, spent, lazily running his fingers through the damp, silky strands of Sawyer’s hair. He had it wrong. Sawyer was the sun, bronzed skin all aglow, his golden hair haloed by the bright light, a sated smile on his face, somehow, perversely, conjuring up a child’s drawing of a happy, beaming sun scribbled in a clear blue sky.

Happy. Jack turned the word over in his head.

Too many people had died here for Jack to claim any kind of real, lasting happiness without feeling that immediate stab of guilt for everyone they’d lost. They’d all seen too far much sorrow in far too short a time. Even before they came here, he and Sawyer were both broken in ways that could never be fixed, had each seen and done things that had left scars too deep to even talk about.

Now, before the demands of the day started, when they laid together like this, was the time to tell Sawyer that despite all the suffering and sorrow, he’d never felt this much at peace with himself, that it was all Sawyer’s doing. But when Sawyer stretched out sleepily, letting his head fall on Jack’s stomach like it was his personal pillow, he saw his own contentment mirrored there; just one more way Sawyer had of leaving him speechless.

“Chase all the nightmares away?” Sawyer asked, before giving into a powerful yawn. He rubbed at his face and closed his eyes again.

“You going to fall asleep like that?” Jack pretended to be indignant.

“Yes, I am.” Sawyer stuck out his tongue and refused to open his eyes. “What are you gonna do about it?”

“Oh, you’ll see,” Jack said with a wicked chuckle, shifting Sawyer off his lap and pinning him to the ground this time, flipping him nearly hard enough to knock the breath out of him.

“Easy, Doc,” Sawyer huffed at him, making a halfhearted attempt to dislodge Jack. “We ain’t gettin’ any younger.”

“No, we’re not,” Jack nodded seriously, bracing himself on his arms. He stared down at Sawyer, committing to memory how he looked, just like this -- gorgeous and fuckable, flushed and half-laughing, blue eyes dancing with desire, mouth wet and invitingly half-open -- before he finally leaned down to kiss him.

Comments

( 53 comments — Leave a comment )
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isis2015
Jun. 9th, 2007 06:04 am (UTC)
Aww, happy fic! Don't get me wrong, I love the post-finale angst, but since your last one pretty much ruined me, I was happy to read something happy. :) I love that you made the finale a nightmare, and that Kate has left the boys alone and is with Sayid now.

But I have to say, my favorite thing of all is the comparison of Jack's orgasm to the sunrise. That's one of the more creative things I've read in a long time, and I just love what you did with it.

Great job, hun! ♥
halfdutch
Jun. 9th, 2007 06:25 am (UTC)
Thank you! I did think maybe the "it all just a nightmare!" approach might be entirely too cheesy, but then I figured, what the hell? I also figured I might owe people a nice, happy fic after wrecking them with the last one. *nods*

And yay, you liked the sunrise metaphor. That kind of grew from an incidental reference to a full-blown thing so I'm pleased to hear it worked! Writing about sex in a new way is always very tough. *nods*

Glad you liked this one!


zelda_zee
Jun. 9th, 2007 07:11 am (UTC)
Oh, I love this! It's such a beautiful vision, lush and gorgeous and yes, happy. You have some really lovely imagery here, mostly about Sawyer - he does inspire lovely imagery, doesn't he? God, I love happy fic, and this is just one of the best I've read in ages.
halfdutch
Jun. 9th, 2007 07:56 am (UTC)
Aww, that makes me so happy! Hurrah for happiness! I'm so glad I decided to try and write this prompt because we did kind of need this after the finale. (And after I tortured people with that other, ultradark fic, which of course, you are exempted from reading!)

And Sawyer is a very inspirational sight, isn't he? Thanks so much for your lovely feedback on this one! ♥
cmonkatiekatie
Jun. 9th, 2007 08:22 am (UTC)
Oh, I love this. Love it, love it, love it. Love how it's beautifully written and happy and hot but also kinda honest about every single thing that's happened to them.

And that Sayid joke made me laugh so hard.
halfdutch
Jun. 10th, 2007 02:41 pm (UTC)
*loves back*

Aww, it's been a while since I wrote them happy. I mean, the Bachelor fic is silly but right now even that is kinda angsty!

And hee, glad the Sayid joke played! :) I do like the idea of him and Kate together, even if that is rather tough on Sayid himself, LOL.

kataren
Jun. 9th, 2007 10:03 am (UTC)
Yay, happy fic! Must confess, I haven't even started watching S3 yet, what with all the spoilers I've read regarding Sawyer & Kate (personally, blah). But then I see icons of THE hug, & I wibble. *wonders what ep that is*
halfdutch
Jun. 10th, 2007 02:43 pm (UTC)
This hug? *points to icon* I think that's from "One of Us." S3 is ... a very mixed bag. NO Jack/Sawyer until ep 16, for one thing. :-(

But anyway, glad you liked the fic! It was fun to write something happy again! :)
ellel
Jun. 9th, 2007 12:26 pm (UTC)
You know,this is the first Jack/Sawyer fic I've read in long LONG time?!
Loved it!:)
I am very intrigued with Jack's post rescue angst and suicidal tendencies and him,waking up from the nightmare in Sawyer's arms is all kinds of brilliant!

And Kate with Sayid?I can actually see that;)
halfdutch
Jun. 10th, 2007 02:45 pm (UTC)
You know,this is the first Jack/Sawyer fic I've read in long LONG time?!

Ahhh, I'm honored, hon! ♥

Jack should absolutely be waking up in Sawyer's arms instead of alone and suicidal back in LA. *nods* And I like Kate with Sayid. I think they could be good for each other.
(Deleted comment)
halfdutch
Jun. 10th, 2007 02:47 pm (UTC)
Aww, yay! :) The whole "it was just a dream" approach is a bit dodgy, I know, but I thought it might be a nice alternative, in this case. And yay for spooning! :)

Glad you liked this one!
foxxcub
Jun. 9th, 2007 06:56 pm (UTC)
Giving into Sawyer was just like this, this moment where he resisted, his body and soul hanging onto that edge of safety and restraint and should and then, when Sawyer’s mouth closed over his cock, Jack still held back from complete surrender, wanting to keep that last shred of self, even if Jack Shephard, that uptight, self-righteous hardass was long gone

That is probably some of your best writing to date. *is jealous*

I want to SWOON, this is so lovely. Oh, happy boys--you make me happy. :D
foxxcub
Jun. 9th, 2007 07:00 pm (UTC)
Also, TITLE!! That's one of my most favoritest BRMC songs ever!

(no subject) - halfdutch - Jun. 10th, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - Jun. 10th, 2007 02:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
demonqueen666
Jun. 9th, 2007 08:09 pm (UTC)
Flaily squee!! Oh, this was great...the classic "it was all a dream" fix-it, but not the least bit corny at all (Only Jack would apologize for having nightmares, too. Oh, Jack...). Really beautiful and poetic, summing up the elements of the two of them together and how Jack feels about Sawyer and what he does for him and what he does to him and who they both are, together and seperate, in such a very short space of time. And the sex...need I mention the sex? GUH. *ded of hott*

My favorite line, for some reason:

"Clearly we’re only together because we both live in mortal fear of Sayid.”

HEE.
halfdutch
Jun. 10th, 2007 02:52 pm (UTC)
Aww, that's so nice to hear because yeah, that plot twist is always pretty dodgy! ;) But it was also the quickest way to give Jack a happy ever after with Sawyer. (Although now I'm thinking of something where Sawyer finds Jack in LA and makes it all better -- maybe someone's written that by now? I am SO behind on my reading!)

Oh Jack, indeed. *hugs* He really needs someone and of course I'd love that to be Sawyer because I'm in love with the idea that Sawyer can get Jack to let go and enjoy himself now and then.

Hee, and of course stealing Sayid's girl would be a very, very bad idea! :)
gottalovev
Jun. 10th, 2007 12:14 am (UTC)
oh WOW!!

I LOVE how gorgeously full of happiness and beauty this fic is! you cured the angst of the last one with one of the most happy lost fic I've read in a long time! the banter! the characterizations is stellar, the descriptions are to die for. I love the climax with the sunrise! so beautiful. and howling? damn! good job Sawyer! *grins*

oh and this made me laugh

“Thought we had a deal,” Sawyer murmured in that husky early-morning voice that always banished all thoughts of going back to sleep. “I have the shitty nightmares and you say funny things in your sleep that I can tease you about later on.”

because I have been teased about silly things I've said in my sleep before. and just to imagine that with the boys? priceless!

this is a great present, I am ecstatic!
halfdutch
Jun. 10th, 2007 02:55 pm (UTC)
Awww, yay! So glad you liked your birthday fic, hon! And I hope you had a lovely birthday celebration! :)

It was good to write them happy again! And hee, I've always been curious about just *what* Jack says in his sleep since he first told Claire that talking in his sleep had one girlfriend break up with him!

♥ & hugs

vixerunt
Jun. 10th, 2007 12:21 am (UTC)
Reading beach!porn while on the beach (Thank you, wireless!) has to be the best thing ever! Not that I needed the added audio/visual aids to help me picture this. Lovely details and the Jack/Sawyer banter just made my night! I love happy stuff and I've missed seeing that with these two, especially with the island setting.

:) Great writing as always!
halfdutch
Jun. 10th, 2007 02:57 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you. And what a wonderful setting to be reading pron in! ;)

And you know, S3 was so trying for a JS fangirl that I ended up writing mostly AUs and even those weren't necessarily happy, you're right. So it was good to write them being so happy on the island. Yay for prompts!

toestastegood
Jun. 10th, 2007 02:12 am (UTC)
Aw, that was so cute - I loved the mentions of Sayid! Jack should definitely have flashforwarding-nightmares more often. ♥
halfdutch
Jun. 10th, 2007 02:59 pm (UTC)
Hee, thank you! :) And if Sawyer is there to chase the nightmares away, it's all worth it, right?
emiliglia
Jun. 10th, 2007 03:19 am (UTC)
*tears self away from drooling over icon*

This was a lovely coda for the finale...mainly because that's how the show goes on in my head. Oh, subtext, how fandom loves thee...

He wanted to tell Sawyer that he had stopped wanting to go home long ago, that this was home now, here with him. Once the island had been the nightmare but now he couldn’t imagine leaving. Not without Sawyer.

That part made my heart grow three sizes and then the rest of it made it melt into a puddle of happy goo. I really like how you made it like how Jack couldn't live without Sawyer and that was his explanation for not being like the dream of being back - made me think of "What Is and What Should Never Be" with Dean not liking his lack of relationship with Sam. :)
halfdutch
Jun. 10th, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC)
That part made my heart grow three sizes and then the rest of it made it melt into a puddle of happy goo.

Awwwww. *snuggles* Thank you, hon.

And you know ... I was thinking of something along the lines of "What Is and What Should Never Be," where Jack makes a terrible deal to get back to the island the only way he can but themoononastick ficced that so well for Dean going back to the Djinn once Sam is dead that I just couldn't go there, even in a different fandom! And it was good to be able to write them really happy, for once, and not a cruel trick. *loves*
haldoor
Jun. 10th, 2007 06:54 am (UTC)
He had it wrong. Sawyer was the sun, bronzed skin all aglow, his golden hair haloed by the bright light, a sated smile on his face, somehow, perversely, conjuring up a child’s drawing of a happy, beaming sun scribbled in a clear blue sky.

Gorgeous! As was the rest of it, but that was my favourite bit. And the title says it all (though I don't know this song or who the band is that you mentioned by acronym), so just perfect really! Thanks for some happy!
halfdutch
Jun. 10th, 2007 03:39 pm (UTC)
Awww, thank you so much! I love that bit too. :)

And the song is by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, off their first album. Here: As Sure as the Sun. Enjoy! ♥ It's m4a (iTunes format), so let me know if that doesn't work for you.
(no subject) - haldoor - Jun. 15th, 2007 02:20 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - Jun. 17th, 2007 12:52 am (UTC) - Expand
alemyrddin
Jun. 11th, 2007 10:59 am (UTC)
ooooh...*happy sigh*

a happy fic! Spooning (no, sorry, that's not spooning! *g*), not wanting to get back to civilization, this was home now, here with him...
and this:
Well, good to know you’d take a break-up well. *g*

and this:
Clearly we’re only together because we both live in mortal fear of Sayid. lol!

thanks, a much needed respite from all the angst, though I love that too...
now I'm thinking of something where Sawyer finds Jack in LA and makes it all better
oh yes, please pretty please?
:)

alemyrddin
Jun. 11th, 2007 12:46 pm (UTC)
aaaagh! I just closed the window where I had already typed this comment!

Sorry, start again.
I forgot in my previous comment to link you to a few fics that I read in the last week or so. These are all fics where Sawyer finds Jack in LA and tries to make him better. Try being the operative word. Therefore, I still think you should write a happy future!fic!
But those were good, and if you want to read them, here are the links:

Fracture by isis2015

Dr. Jekyill & Mr. Hyde by holycitygirl. Part 2 of ?. Link to the previous part in the header of that post.

End it by obreesprit. This link goes to the first part of the 1st Chapter. For now, it consists of 2 chapters, one 3parter and the other 4parter. Still incomplete.
:)
(no subject) - halfdutch - Jun. 13th, 2007 11:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - Jun. 13th, 2007 11:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
uhzoomzip
Jun. 11th, 2007 07:55 pm (UTC)
aw, hot schmoopy-fic!

Sawyer broke out in a loud guffaw, startling Jack. “Well, good to know you’d take a break-up well. Either way, I’m a dead man?

ha! i guess it beats obsessive stalker?

and i love this, because i can totally see it:
He seemed to take delight in being sunny when Jack was at his most cranky.
halfdutch
Jun. 13th, 2007 11:46 pm (UTC)
:) Glad you liked those two lines. We know Sawyer's definitely got his dark side but I like the idea of him teasing Jack until he isn't quite so cranky. And of course, that's just one trick he has up his sleeve to make Jack happy! :) ♥
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