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Belle de Jour (Sayid/Juliet) R

Title: Belle de Jour
Pairing: Sayid/Juliet (!)
Rating: R (for BDSM)
Summary: She needs to put herself completely at his mercy, because she knows he has none to give her.
Note: Written for Porn Day at lostsquee. I do NOT know where this idea came from. I don't expect anyone will want to read this pairing, but, here 'tis.


The rope bites into her wrists but she doesn't say a word. It's become a contest of sorts: How much can he dish out? How much can she take? If it were up to him, he would have stopped long ago, before he drew blood. If it were up to him, he wouldn't have ever started this. Not with her.

It makes a certain kind of cruel sense for them to play this game. She is using him to punish herself, for what he's not sure. Possibly for what was done to him, or to his friends. When his resolve starts to waver, when she emits an involuntary whimper, he remembers his long night handcuffed to the swing set. He remembers being shot, remembers Shannon, and he continues.

She is beautiful, in a cold way that had never appealed to him before. She reminds him a little of Catherine Deneuve. He wonders, as he ties her still-raw hands over her head, if she's ever seen Belle du Jour. He remembers seeing it in an old theater in Paris. There were no English subtitles and his French was fairly poor but he could appreciate the perverse appeal of a cool blonde beauty debasing herself and finding some kind of exquisite pleasure in being used.

Somehow, the more they do this, the more he marvels at how easily her pale flesh bruises, and she becomes even more beautiful to him. Her hair is the same shade as Shannon's, but she couldn't be more different. She is older, more womanly, her body both stronger and more profoundly feminine than Shannon's slim ballerina build.

She doesn't need anyone, the way Shannon did. But somehow Juliet needs this, needs Sayid to tie her, needs to put herself completely at his mercy, because she knows he has none to give her.

He doesn't prepare her in any way when he fucks her; he doesn't caress her or gaze into her eyes. He merely takes her, because that is the way she wants him, why she's chosen him, instead of Jack or Sawyer. Both of those men are too soft, too romantic. They could never play a role like this without feeling remorse, or without, perhaps, falling in love.

He doesn't look forward to these encounters. They are merely necessary. He tells himself he doesn't remember the smell of her hair, or the silky feel of her skin, that when he wakes up hard in the middle of the night, that he doesn't relive how her body tightens around him, bringing them both along as fast and as hard as possible.

Today, though, after he slumps against her, spent and hot against her back, he thinks he might have gone too far. When he goes to remove her blindfold, he's shocked to see that she's been crying. She doesn't look at him -- she never looks at him -- not until he runs his fingertips down her cheek, tracing the line of her tears.

She turns to face him. She lays her head against him, something in the gesture reminding him of a a bird tucking itself under its own wings. He undoes her wrists and her arms go around his neck.

He continues to cradle her against his chest as she whispers in his ear, over and over. "It's okay."

Somehow, he always thought that she would be the one who would break first, that he would be the one to say those words.





Also, does anyone think this scene from "One of Us" is kind of an homage to "Belle de Jour?"


Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
bachlava
Jan. 27th, 2008 10:20 pm (UTC)
I don't expect anyone will want to read this pairing
Are you remembering who some of your f-list has paired Sayid with? (And no, I don't mean Jack.;)

Also, does anyone think this scene from "One of Us" is kind of an homage to "Belle de Jour?"
It does look like they're quoting the image, certainly. Hmmm.

Seriously, though... y'know, I usually have no sympathy at all for Juliet. She did all kinds of unethical medical experiments (including one that virtually guaranteed her sister's death), she followed Ben's orders for three years, and while it's apparent she disliked her tasks she's never once displayed a scrap of remorse. And yet, here, I felt for her. I think it was the silent tears that did me in, the implication that she knows what this is doing to Sayid and yet doesn't relish that fact.

I also, generally, won't even consider reading erotically-minded BDSM Sayid-fic (with the exception of AUs like zelda_zee's). There's no way, given his history, that any kind of dominance or bondage play could ever be a healthy thing for him. But you've done such a brilliant job of taking that fact as your starting point and running with it, exploring perfectly plausibly what would bring him to that point, why he'd want to do it, and what the psychological effects would be for him. Not to mention for Juliet, in being at this point where she wants to be punished in her own right and not for the sake of manipulating Sayid (which I don't get the impression is here intent here).

She lays her head against him, something in the gesture reminding him of a a bird tucking itself under its own wings. He undoes her wrists and her arms go around his neck.

He continues to cradle her against his chest as she whispers in his ear, over and over. "It's okay."

Somehow, he always thought that she would be the one who would break first, that he would be the one to say those words.


I never thought I could even conceive of thinking this, but this, brought in with Sayid's thoughts of Shannon... actually makes me not only kind of feel like Juliet is sorry for everything she's done (and is hence in a position where forgiveness can be relevant), but also hope that these two might move forward together in as healthy a way as is possible for them.

Okay, I'm really rambling here... the point is that your brilliance has blown my mind. Again. More than I could have imagined. I think I'm just going to bow to you and do some groveling now, and bask in your glow.
halfdutch
Jan. 27th, 2008 10:39 pm (UTC)
Oh wow! You've totally blown me away here! *bows to you*

It's one of those ideas that just clicked, I don't know, it's very odd! I guess you take these two and this is the only way I could see them getting together, at least in this point in canon!

I'm not a fan of Juliet either (as I'm sure everyone knows) so maybe this kind of extreme scenario is the only way I could find her sympathetic. It might not be a bad idea on the show, to have her injured or something. I think that's why Sawyer is so often put in harm's way and why Sayid got instant island payback for what he did to Sawyer, as a way of making us feel sorry for them and thus forgive them for their myriad sins.

And I'm so glad the idea that Sayid is kind of fooling himself here came through, that it is taking a toll on him, whether he admits it or not.

Thanks so much for reading and for this amazing feedback. *loves*
cynthia_arrow
Jan. 28th, 2008 12:58 am (UTC)
I admit--I read out of curiosity. I like what you did here. It seems in character for the both of them in ways I typically don't like to think about. (BDSM isn't my thing at all; but as it gets to character, it's fascinating.) And I really like the way the end feels quite open to me. This kind of fic stirs up feelings and ideas without completely resolving them, and I like that a lot. Thanks for sharing it. :)
halfdutch
Jan. 28th, 2008 03:45 am (UTC)
Oh wow, thanks for taking a chance on this. I realize now that I've adopted a kind of S1 Sawyer/Sayid dynamic with them here, haven't I, that is, bondage leading to something like real caring and intimacy.

This kind of fic stirs up feelings and ideas without completely resolving them, and I like that a lot.

Thank you! It's not a pairing I ever expected to write but I'm so pleased you liked it and found it to be in character.
inthekeyofd
Jan. 28th, 2008 01:54 am (UTC)
You know you are one of the very few people that could get me to read out of my pairing.

Damn, you know I can see this..Juliet needing this, as almost a punishment and Sayid too..for Shannon, he let himself feel with Shannon, here he's making himself pay for those feelings..okay, I probably didn't get my point across sufficiently, but I can tell you this, not only did I love this, but it was a pairing I didn't expect but can actually totally see and totally understand as well.
halfdutch
Jan. 28th, 2008 03:47 am (UTC)
Oh, how sweet of you to read this odd pairing! It took me a while to forgive Sayid for what he did to Sawyer and I think if Juliet got some similar island payback that would go a long way toward making me like her more, which I guess is what led to this fic! And I think it would be very hard for Sayid to fall again after Shannon, unless it kind of crept up on him. But he is human, after all, no matter how tough he fancies himself.
jenthegypsy
Jan. 28th, 2008 02:14 am (UTC)
I don't expect anyone will want to read this pairing, but, here 'tis. Never one to resist an outright challenge - that's me. I'm not so much a Sayid person, but I'm all there for Juliet, and I thought both characters were presented very well here.

I know this is Porn Day, and you wrote this as porn, and, what with the BDSM and what amounts to rape and all it qualifies as porn - but I found it to be more sad than porny, and an excellent character/psychological study with a decidedly sympathetic turn.

*looks at empty wine glass* Yeah - bet that's not the kind of comment you expected to get. ;)
halfdutch
Jan. 28th, 2008 03:50 am (UTC)
I didn't think I was challenging anyone to read it, but I'm so glad you took up the glove I threw down and ran with it, so to speak! ;) Especially since you like Juliet but not Sayid and I'm pretty much the opposite. That makes me very happy to hear that you thought I was fair to both of them.

But it's not very porny at all, is it? And it is also quite sad, although it ends up on a hopeful note, I think.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading and for the fb! :)
jenthegypsy
Jan. 28th, 2008 12:16 pm (UTC)
Should have begun the last comment by saying "I really like this a lot"!

It does end up on a hopeful note, almost a [dare I say it?] gee, I'd kinda like to see more of this pairing note...

*whistles innocently and meanders away* ;)
halfdutch
Jan. 29th, 2008 03:51 am (UTC)
Awww, thanks for coming back to add, that hon! *hugs* I definitely got the idea that you liked it but never hurts to hear it!

And hmm, you know, I could see writing this pairing again, maybe from a different starting place though. Fic is a dangerous thing, isn't it? :)
elliotsmelliot
Jan. 28th, 2008 03:05 am (UTC)
There is definitely a connection between Juliet and Sayid that you address so well in this offering. I completely agree with Sayid, Jack and Sawyer are too romantic and soft for this, which is strange because with other women, these are the qualities I would more likely associate with Sayid. Although it works for the prompt, like Jen, the story makes me want to weep. Also, like Bachlava, I'm no fan of Juliet but your description of her as bird struck a nerve that had me more sensitive to her circumstances.
halfdutch
Jan. 28th, 2008 03:56 am (UTC)
You're right, Sayid is much more of a romantic when he's in love but he's also capable of crossing lines that I don't think Jack or Sawyer ever could. And, I think, he imagines he's tougher than he really is, because I can see him undertaking this kind of "task" and not realizing what kind of toll it would take on him. (That's a pretty big leap, that he would agree to this kind of arrangement but, oh well!)

I'm trying to make peace with Juliet and I guess this is my way of doing it, putting her in a place where I would feel sympathy for her. I'm glad it worked for you as well, especially the bird analogy. Thanks for reading!
fosfomifira
Jan. 28th, 2008 03:15 am (UTC)
This is so tasty and fascinating. It does, as you say on the fic, make some very perverted sense, that they'd do this together. I can see Juliet wanting this, the only kind of punishment she could take. I can't picture her apologising in public (not that I'm saying she should do that), for example, but this coldness, this pain she'd crave because it's all hers and it lives inside her and nowhere else.

It doesn't surprise me that Sayid is the one who breaks first. Though I agree that both Jack and Sawyer are much too romantic to keep the punishment as such and not take it any further, I can't see Sayid's past letting him get away with it. It's always easier to take pain than not to form connections or feel remorse.

Oh yes, I loved this.

The styling on Juliet's hair does seem very, very similar.
halfdutch
Jan. 28th, 2008 04:01 am (UTC)
Oh wow, thanks so much, both for reading this, and for this lovely fb. ♥

It's always easier to take pain than not to form connections or feel remorse.

I guess that's what I was aiming for here, that they both have the same agenda but it ends up in a far different place than either one expected. I've probably repeated some of the old Sawyer/Sayid dynamic here, with sex born of hatred and revenge leading to something more.

I don't really see canon!Juliet as someone who would blame herself for what she's had to do to survive, or care that others got hurt in the process, but this was my way of making her sympathetic, at least to me!
janie_tangerine
Jan. 28th, 2008 07:25 am (UTC)
Good, I loved this. First of all whoever titles a fic after Bunuel would deserve my admiration if just for it, but, well, it was absolutely blowing. I can say I at least dig the pairing being that Sayid is one of my favorites and I like Juliet enough, but you really made it work. I loved their dyinamic and how sense it actually makes. There isn't a weak point in all of this, it all works according to the premise, which is actually a very good point, her wanting to be punished and him being the only one who could do it.

He doesn't prepare her in any way when he fucks her; he doesn't caress her or gaze into her eyes. He merely takes her, because that is the way she wants him, why she's chosen him, instead of Jack or Sawyer. Both of those men are too soft, too romantic. They could never play a role like this without feeling remorse, or without, perhaps, falling in love.

And that paragraph makes even more sense. I loved Sayid making the movie reference and it's very much like him to think about Shannon while being with Juliet, and the last line was a punch. Wow, this really was great, I can't put together more coherent things to say.

I'd been meaning to ask you for some time but anyway, would you mind if I friend you? ;)
halfdutch
Jan. 29th, 2008 03:40 am (UTC)
Buñuel is amazing. I've seen a lot of his films and he really is a master. I also highly recommend his autobiography, truly one of the most entertaining showbiz bios ever -- he knew everyone at such an interesting juncture in history, it's a really fascinating read.

I'm so glad you think this works, especially if you're not really a fan of Juliet's either. It's kind out of left-field for me and yet, I can see this dynamic between them as well. Thanks so much for reading and for this feedback!

And yes, let's friend! :) *adds you*
elise_509
Jan. 28th, 2008 07:32 am (UTC)
Um, hell yeah! I've been wanting to write Sayid/Juliet for awhile now but haven't had the time. I also figured Z might defriend me if I paired Sayid with her most hated of people (jk!). I'm glad that you took the plunge and wrote this because it was really fantastic and fascinating. If you ever want to write any more of these two, I will read it! And hopefully soon, I'll have my own story to add to this pairing's library of fic. Go you!

And yeah, that scene really is reminiscent of Belle du Jour! Catherine Deneuve still ranks high on my list of like, the most beautiful women ever. Even now, she's still drop dead gorgeous.
halfdutch
Jan. 29th, 2008 03:37 am (UTC)
Oh wow! I get a thumbs-up from a Juliet fan? That's fantastic, hon! :) *beams* I'm trying to find my way over to her, I really am.

I think maybe there's something about her with Jack that I don't like ... that old forced canon pairing thing that sometimes makes me dig in my heels and go, "No, I'm not going along with THAT!" Or I'm just married to that original triangle, who knows?

Anyway, I'm so glad you liked this and I would definitely read this pairing if you write it!

Catherine Deneuve is a goddess. Ever seen "Umbrellas of Cherbourg?" God, that makes me cry, the music is just so gorgeous. I'm definitely a huge fan of hers and she is still unbelievably beautiful. *nods*
gottalovev
Jan. 28th, 2008 05:58 pm (UTC)
you know, I can be pretty dim sometimes as I don't even THINK about the possibility of a pairing until someone uses a 2x4 on me (or, well, you know, write it)

this was an eye opener, you totally made it work for me. I think that Sayid is maybe not as detached of his feeling as he thinks, and your Juliet was awesome.

:)
halfdutch
Jan. 29th, 2008 03:35 am (UTC)
Hee, it wasn't a pairing that jumped out at me, and now I can't say for sure where it came from.

But I'm glad you think it works. I definitely was thinking that Sayid was overestimating his own ability to distance himself from his feelings here, that he cares more than he lets on.Thanks for reading, hon!
zelda_zee
Jan. 29th, 2008 03:18 am (UTC)
You know, I actually like this. Surprised? I think it's really good. Not a pairing that has appeal to me in and of itself, but nonetheless an interesting fic and definitely worth reading.

And I don't think you did anything OC with Sayid. I can easily see this side of him.
halfdutch
Jan. 29th, 2008 03:31 am (UTC)
Oh wow, I'm blown away you actually read this! Thanks so much, that means a lot to me. And even better, you liked it! I started to think that I'm being unfair to Sayid, saddling him with this role and that a lot of my plot bunnies kind of revolve around this side of him and that maybe I should stop!

As for Juliet, I think I'm going with the "King Lear" model here, that anyone who suffers enough will eventually become sympathetic. Not that we'll get that on the show, with her. But I'm trying to find her sympathetic!

Thanks again for taking a chance on this one. It's an odd fic, I know.
zelda_zee
Jan. 29th, 2008 03:40 am (UTC)
Well, I actually like odd pairings. I just usually avoid anything with Juliet.

See, Sayid has that side, I don't think that's unfair to him at all. I'm not so into reading fic that makes him cruel or sadistic when it's not integrated into the rest of his character, but it's a fact that those traits are a part of him and when presented in an interesting way, I'm all over that.

There's no better way to learn to like a character than to write them, so this is a good strategy if you want to become less negative about Juliet.

In fact, hmmm... I have an idea. :)
halfdutch
Jan. 29th, 2008 03:49 am (UTC)
I'm so relieved you think I'm not being unfair to your man! And that you like this take on him.

Fic by other authors helped me get over my anger at Sayid after Confidence Man ... just as it's helped me with some of the wildly inconsistent character swings of, say, Kate. Fic definitely helps us get over rough patches and I think this is helping me like Juliet more. Now watch canon!Juliet try my nerves all over again!

And ooh, an idea! *pulls up chair, leans forward*



Edited at 2008-01-29 03:51 am (UTC)
uhzoomzip
Jan. 30th, 2008 11:19 am (UTC)
this is a really complex pairing with all the dynamics going on and you handled it beautifully. it just seems so right even though it's all kinds of wrong.

forgive me, i've been up since 4am and my fb kind of sucks.
halfdutch
Feb. 2nd, 2008 03:21 am (UTC)
Woo, sexy Sayid icon!

Thanks for taking a chance on this one, hon. It was definitely a left-field fic for me and glad you think I pulled it off. *mwah*

Hope you're getting some sleep in the meantime!
themoononastick
Feb. 27th, 2008 03:19 am (UTC)
I've had this (and your other Sayid/Juilet) bookmarked for ages and now I wish I'd gotten to them sooner - I really like this, it's an interesting approach to an interesting pairing. Excellent work, hon.
halfdutch
Feb. 27th, 2008 04:07 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you, hon, both for catching up and for this fb. ♥ It's funny how sometimes the oddest pairings catch hold and demand to be written!
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