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Title: In Case of Emergency...
Rating: R
Spoilers : Set post "Something Nice Back Home" but the only bit of canon here is that Jack is recuperating from surgery
Note: Thank you to zelda_zee for the beta and for the present of fic yesterday, which gave me back my writing mojo, so I could write this for fosfomifira's birthday! Just something light and silly. Zero angst! *mwah*
Word count: 2045



Sawyer had no sooner stepped foot back on the beach than he was handed the job of babysitting the doc.

"Make sure he stays here and recuperates," Juliet had ordered and she was so unsmilingly stern that he didn't dare protest. Sawyer was pretty sure she'd been a nun before the island. Or a dominatrix. Too bad his fantasies in the doctor department lay much more in the direction of hairy chests and broad shoulders.

Jack (possessor of a very hairy chest and admirably broad shoulders) was clearly not intimidated by Juliet, because he sat up, grumbling. "I'm perfectly fine."

Juliet shoved him back down none too gently. "You've had abdominal surgery, Jack. You are not getting up. You are not to do anything more strenuous than opening and closing your eyes. Do I make myself clear?”

Jack scowled at her and muttered under his breath, but he lay still.

"Here," Juliet shoved something at Sawyer. "It's chloroform. If he gets out of hand, please use it."

"Hey!" Jack called out, but with one last "don't fuck with me," look, Juliet was gone.

"Where’d this come from?" Sawyer asked, eyeing the jar of chloroform.

"Dharma? Who knows?" Jack mumbled. '"At least you had a bunk bed to sleep in at the hatch. I can feel every lump of sand under this blanket."

"Yeah, life ain't fair, anyone ever happen to mention that to ya?"

Jack shot him the single dirtiest look he had ever been on the receiving end of. And then the bastard proceeded to try to get up. Again.

"C'mon, now, Doc, be good," Sawyer said, shaking his head. He held the chloroform canister and the none-too-clean looking rag Juliet had given him over Jack's head. "Be good or it's lights out."

Jack heaved a frustrated sigh and lay back down. "We should be saving that for an emergency," he muttered darkly.

"You are an emergency, Jackass," Sawyer chuckled. "Juliet's takin' care of all the medical stuff, Sayid's handlin' all the strategic plannin' and I think Kate can manage without your sorry attempts at flirtin' for a few hours."

"Sorry?" Jack harrumphed. "And I do not flirt with Kate," he said, wrinkling his forehead in distaste.

"Yeah, I wouldn't say that deer-in-the-headlights stare counts as flirtin."

Jack's surly squint would have meant business on any other day, but now the doc was flat on his back, unable to fight, unable to do anything but lie there and take Sawyer's good-natured jabs. Sawyer sat back in a camp chair, his, legs spread out in front of him. He was starting to enjoy the situation, except that Jack did look worn out, which meant Sawyer should probably go easy on him.

"So, she said I'm supposed 'ta give you some medicine."

"We should save it..." Jack began and Sawyer chimed in, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

"... in case someone else needs it. Right. Well, today, you are someone else, Jack Shephard. You’re my patient and you’re gonna do what I say."

Jack pouted but he really was no match for Sawyer at the moment and they both knew it. He frowned as he took a sip from the water bottle Sawyer held to his lips and dutifully swallowed an Advil and an antibiotic, although he insisted on first taking the pills from Sawyer's hand and popping them in his mouth himself.

"That's better." Sawyer nodded his approval. "See, you help me, your help yourself."

Jack just grunted and closed his eyes. Probably trying to ignore Sawyer's presence as best he could, but then, as Sawyer watched, the tension did seem to leave his body and his breathing grew deep and regular.

Good. Sawyer was going to be on his best behavior too and let the doc sleep. He wasn't going to sing off-key or tell dirty jokes or anything else that might keep Jack up, much as he might be tempted.

He had brought a book but soon his own eyes grew heavy -- did the island always have to be so damn tropical? -- and he nodded off too.

Next thing Sawyer knew, Jack was attempting to step over his legs without waking him up, except that he was too shaky to pull off such a tricky maneuver. Instead, he ended up right in Sawyer's lap with an undignified "Oof."

"Hey, hey, where do you think you're goin' Jacko?" Jack's grimace of pain as Sawyer helped him up was almost enough to silence the lecture he had in mind. Almost.

"What in hell's name was that?" Sawyer demanded, poking Jack in the chest as he wincingly lay back down. "You are going to lay there and get better if I have to sit on you."

For some reason, Jack seemed to find that funny and he started to laugh, although from the way his laughter quickly turned into an agonized groan, it clearly wasn't doing him any good.

"That's right," Sawyer snapped. "You're gonna tear all your stitches out, one way or another, aren't ya?" He whipped Jack's T-shirt up to see if they had, in fact, come out, but although there was a bit of seepage, the rough line of red stitches looked pretty damn solid.

"What?" Jack demanded, trying to pull his shirt back down when Sawyer kept staring at his stomach.

"Why, Doc... I didn't ... you're as bald as a ... well, damn. You look kinda naked without all that hair!"

"Juliet shaved it. Sorry if she didn't get your permission first," Jack said snidely. "And she didn't shave everything." He raised his shirt, giving Sawyer a quick glimpse of his pecs, which were still reassuringly Jack-like in their furriness.

"Not everything...?" Sawyer couldn't resist and was met with another dirty look that, if possible, was dirtier than the first one Jack had handed him today.

"Oh, for God's sake, Sawyer. She took out my appendix. She didn't..." Sawyer waited, but Jack paused, clearly not sure whether to go for a polite euphemism or something much more explicit. Finally Jack just threw his hand over his eyes and muttered something about being stuck with idiots, which Sawyer tried his best not to take offense at.

He had doctorly duties to attend to, after all, one of which was applying an antibiotic salve to Jack's wound. He lifted Jack's T-shirt back up again, somehow not too surprised when Jack rather modestly tried to yank it back down.

"Look here, Blushing Beauty, I gotta put this stuff on you, so just sit tight."

Jack continued to pull his shirt down, insisting that he didn't need any such thing, so Sawyer had no choice, really. "You thought I was jokin," he announced in triumph as he straddled Jack, pinning him to his bed. "But now you see I mean business, doncha? Now just hang on..."

Except the doc still wouldn't cooperate, so Sawyer ground down a little with his hips as a warning that he had a lot more weight to distribute, if he so chose. Jack lay back finally, and let Sawyer rub the damn gel on him. Sawyer was very careful not to aggravate the wound and spent most of his effort rubbing the gel around the edges. "Look, I'm bein' as gentle as I know how to be," Sawyer said when Jack heaved a deep sigh.

Jack put his hand over Sawyer's, trying to get him to stop, Sawyer figured, and he realized that maybe he'd been rubbing the gel a bit too far and wide, just got carried away with his task with Jack’s stomach being so smooth and naked and all.

Only Jack said his name in an odd rasp that didn't seem to mean, "Stop." More like, "Don't stop." Surely it was Sawyer's imagination, but Jack's hips rising off his bed and grinding against him felt pretty damn real.

"Whoa now," Sawyer said, but Jack didn't stop with those little hip thrusts and now he added a soft moan that left no doubt of his intentions. Sawyer's hand hadn't stopped rubbing this whole time and now, well, there was nothing to do but slip it a little lower seeing as how it was already conveniently slicked up.

Jack was breathing fast and his abdomen was rising and falling in a way that couldn't be good for a man who'd just been cut open and stitched back up, but he'd started to say things like, "Please, Sawyer," and who was Sawyer to refuse a sick man?

It wasn't the first time he and Jack had messed around, even if that one drunken kiss ages ago by the fire had led to Jack awkwardly excusing himself before anyone reached below anyone's waist. Course, Sawyer had followed him, knowing just what the doc was going off to do in private, because he had the exact same idea. He couldn't really see Jack in the bushes, but he could sure as hell hear him. Damn, it had been a rush to come at the same time, even if they were several feet apart and Jack never knew he had company.

Sawyer had figured then that it was just a matter of time until he had Jack writhing underneath him, his slick cock in his hot little hand, but he hadn't really thought today would be his lucky day.

He leaned low over Jack, whispering in his ear, "That's right, give it to me, Doc." He was here to take care of Jack, wasn't he? So he made this as fast and as rough as he dared, no fooling around, just a hot, quick handjob that would curl Jack's toes.

Sawyer grinned as Jack stiffened underneath him. He was good, he told himself. The doc was nearly there. But now the moaning grew so loud that Sawyer had no choice but to repeatedly bite Jack's lower lip. But that didn't shut him up so Sawyer had to kiss him good and hard to get him to quiet down.

It was a lucky thing he had his tongue in Jack's mouth when he came, because otherwise the Doc's orgasmic groan would have been heard on the other side of the island.

There was nothing but heavy breathing on both sides for a few minutes -- damn if Sawyer hadn't come in his own pants right after Jack. He finally sat back, smoothing his mussed hair out of his eyes, satisfied to see the lines of pain and worry gone for the moment from Jack's face and instead a kind of dreamy, doe-eyed expression there that made his smile deepen.

"Well, I reckon I better get you cleaned up..." Sawyer started to say, but Jack's gasp of surprise was not enough warning for the low, angry female voice suddenly hissing in his ear.

"James Ford! If you've torn out his stitches, you’ll be sewing him up again yourself!"

Juliet delivered a surprisingly strong openhanded blow to Sawyer's forehead. "Ow!" he yelped.

"You two," Juliet said in pained exasperation. "What part of 'let him recuperate' do you not understand? I am going to put a camera in here, I swear. Now you let him rest or so help me...." She delivered one more flick to Sawyer's head, leaving the vague warning hanging in the air, and stormed out.

"I think we got off kinda light, don't you?" Sawyer said, rubbing his forehead.

Jack covered his eyes in embarrassment. "Just chloroform me now."

"No, I think we should chloroform her, so she doesn't bust in here again.”

At that, Jack let out a high-pitched giggle and then he couldn't stop laughing, even though it had to hurt, to judge by the tears running down his face. But then again, Jack always did cry at the drop of a hat.

"Stop that," Sawyer ordered, shaking Jack by the shoulder. "You really are gonna tear your stitches out and Juliet's gonna blame me!"

"I can't help it," Jack laughed, gasping between giggles, and Sawyer figured he'd better just kiss him again.

They had to save the chloroform for a real emergency, after all.

Comments

( 44 comments — Leave a comment )
demonqueen666
May. 8th, 2008 09:38 pm (UTC)
But then again, Jack always did cry at the drop of a hat.

*giggles* Well done! 'Tis porny good fun.
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:15 am (UTC)
Thank you, darlin'! It was fun to write them being silly and slightly porny again! :)
alemyrddin
May. 8th, 2008 09:40 pm (UTC)
canon-based J/S again! I feel like I'm dreaming! Thank you! :)
I loved it, it was funny and sexy.

Yeah, I wouldn't say that deer-in-the-headlights stare counts as flirtin.
LOL!

also, I don't know if you did it on purpose, but Elisabeth Mitchellwas a nun in one episode of House. ;)

halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:16 am (UTC)
Ahh, my pleasure! And no, I didn't know that about EM! Hee, the comparison was entirely accidental. (However, you must agree that she is QUITE stern, LOL.)
obreesprit
May. 8th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)
This was so cute! I love those two bantering and I'd love to see something even remotely like this happen in cannon 'cause Sawyer just doesn't do enough babying of Jack. ;) Thanks for sharing this adorable piece.
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:17 am (UTC)
Thank you! :) It was fun to take a canon moment and toss out everything else that's going on at the moment! What else do you need but Jack + Sawyer and a bit of alone time? :)
holycitygirl
May. 8th, 2008 09:51 pm (UTC)
Awhhhh! Sawyer the nursemaid with benefits is wonderful. And the comment about Jack crying at the drop of a hat is priceless! Funny and fabulous, babe!!!
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:18 am (UTC)
Hee, thank you, hon! I had to get them together somehow since the show is just never going to! (And I don't think we've actually seen Jack laugh til he cried but know he's good for it!)
pellamerethiel
May. 8th, 2008 09:55 pm (UTC)
Awww! So good to read such fluff after the last episode ;P
We need more Jack/Sawyer scenes in the canon, dammit!
Great job :)
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:18 am (UTC)
Thank you! Happy to bring a bit o' porny fluff! And yeah, will they even share a scene before the end of the season? Cuz it ain't looking very likely for next season!
siluria
May. 8th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC)
Can this be canon please?!? :) Love it! Wonderfully funny and sweet.
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:25 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you, sweetie! It was fun to write something just silly and fun after such an angsty season!
vixerunt
May. 8th, 2008 10:55 pm (UTC)
That was great! It seems like we don't see this pairing much anymore in fandom (And given how often they're in the same scene on the show...) and if they do pop up, they are never on the island, so this was a real treat :) And nothing really beats hurt/comfort for me, especially with some humor tossed in.

The Juliet cameo was great too! I believe she is the first (and only) person to acknowledge the pairing on the show.
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:27 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm always a sucker for the h/c! And if Jack being laid up and forced to rest on his back isn't an invitation, I don't know what is! Even if I have to ignore absolutely everything else that's currently going on, LOL.

And yes, Juliet knows they can't keep their hands off each other! :)
eponine119
May. 9th, 2008 12:31 am (UTC)
Oh, yay! This was so fun and it really made me happy. They'll probably never let us have Sawyer nursing Jack on the show, but it lives on in fic!
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:28 am (UTC)
Yay! I doubt we'll ever get that either, esp. since Jack's such a super-duper-recouper. (And, you know, we can't ever have him and Sawyer in the same scene anymore.) But I did LOL when I finally watched the ep and Juliet was lecturing Jack about not tearing his stitches! :)
gottalovev
May. 9th, 2008 12:33 am (UTC)
LOL! that's just awesome. I am a sucker for hurt/comfort anyway, and I'd love to see it turned around in canon. well this particular situation would be a dream come true though! funny AND hot! lol!
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:30 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you sweetie! I'm a sucker for that ol' hurt/comfort myself. (I think a good 70% of my J/S fic is in that genre! I've probably injured Sawyer more than the show has!)

Glad you liked this one. It was fun to take the idea and run with it (ignoring 99% of current canon, of course!)
elise_509
May. 9th, 2008 12:34 am (UTC)
You're such a trooper! I feel like you're the only one offering canon-based J/S porn right now. I really should get my butt in gear and help you out in keeping their fire burning, though you are doing a completely awesome job. This was so great. I love the ending especially with Juliet, and Jack's giggles and the kissing. :) You're the best.
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:33 am (UTC)
Aww, you're too sweet, babe! And I'd love to see more J/S from you, of course, on the island or off.

You know what's funny? I had just about thrown in the towel on fandom and LJ -- with so many people moving on or too busy for fic, it just isn't as fun as it used to be. And then Z. gave me such a boost with her fic and this idea came to me and I guess it's not over until it's over! :)

And glad you approve of the fic, esp. Juliet's cameo! ♥
zelda_zee
May. 9th, 2008 12:53 am (UTC)
So good to see some light-hearted J/S fic once again! This is cute & porny and fun. The ending makes me lol. :)
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:34 am (UTC)
Yay! I'm happy the idea came to me and I had the urge to write it. Your gift of fic really did give me such a huge boost, you have no idea! So yeah, guess I'll be kicking around here a little while longer. :) ♥
zelda_zee
May. 10th, 2008 08:34 pm (UTC)
I can't tell you how pleased I am if I managed to provide inspiration. That's really the best result I could have hoped for. :)
halfdutch
May. 11th, 2008 05:17 am (UTC)
*enormous, Sawyer-like grin*

Yep, definitely made my day, if not my week! ♥ I'm glad I could turn around and give back!
fosfomifira
May. 9th, 2008 08:20 am (UTC)
Oh, this adorable!

I first saw this at work and it made my day, though I didn't read it until I got home. Really, it's such a welcome treat, such a lovely surprise that it made me a little teary. They need a little (a lot!) more angst free scenes like this on the show. How can TBTP not see what we (and Juliet) see? I love it that they first shared a drunken kiss - and that then Sawyer followed Jack and did what he did. He wouldn't be Sawyer if he hadn't done that.

I'm so happy to see that Sawyer shares my preference for hairy-chested doctors ;D

Thank you so much!

*HUGS*
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:36 am (UTC)
Oh I'm so glad that this was a welcome gift! I feel like I can't always time fic-writing to people's birthdays but this just happened to work out. I figured you could use something light and fluffy! :) Hope you had a good birthday! And I'm glad you liked their little backstory here! I decided it shouldn't be *quite* their first time. ♥
elliotsmelliot
May. 9th, 2008 12:59 pm (UTC)
Even though post-surgical hand jobs are a little squicky, this was also sweet and cute!
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:38 am (UTC)
LOL, so very true! Juliet should have given them both a very stern lecture about hygiene! (I had to laugh when she was warning Jack in last night's ep to not tear his stitches! Not that you had to be psychic to throw that in there, but still... it made me smile.) Glad you liked this, squickiness aside! I figured no one would forgive me if the boys didn't get a little action in this one!
astra2104
May. 9th, 2008 03:04 pm (UTC)
Hehehe....brilliant! Now can I please see this in canon, yes?

*waits and hopes*
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:39 am (UTC)
Hee, wouldn't that be lovely? Until then, we'll just keep ficcing! :) Thanks for reading, hon.
janie_tangerine
May. 9th, 2008 09:12 pm (UTC)
This was awesome! It's good to see some old canon J/S again, hell yes *sighs* I loved it, also because it was so fun! Everyone was just so IC, Juliet totally made me crack up in the end.

At that, Jack let out a high-pitched giggle and then he couldn't stop laughing, even though it had to hurt, to judge by the tears running down his face. But then again, Jack always did cry at the drop of a hat.

*dies* that was pure gold. And oh, yes, the part before?

It was a lucky thing he had his tongue in Jack's mouth when he came, because otherwise the Doc's orgasmic groan would have been heard on the other side of the island.

Regardless of the humor, that was kind of quite much hot. I loved it ;)
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:40 am (UTC)
Yay! Glad you liked it, even the Juliet bit. I'm finding it's fun to throw her in there. (And ignoring how much she wants Jack for herself!)

And I was rather skimpy here with the porny details so I'm very happy to hear you still found it hot! *mwah!*
alliecat8
May. 10th, 2008 01:49 am (UTC)
Mmmmm, funny AND hot -- my favorite combination! I love how Sawyer's kind of poking fun at his Doc all through this, and yet he's still being very sweet and conscientious about taking care of him. It's about time the tables were turned and Sawyer took a turn at looking after Jack! I enjoyed every word of this. ♥

OK, this is a little bit off-topic, but I have a question for you. I too am writing canon-based J/S, thanks to you and your request for a J/S goodbye kiss before Jack gets on the helicopter. :) Only, heh, spoiler whore that I am, I've known for a while that they won't be rescued by the helicopter; I was just waiting til it was canon before I asked you if it's okay if I use an alternate means of transportation. This will not affect the kissing, I promise! ;)
halfdutch
May. 10th, 2008 06:43 am (UTC)
Aww, yay! It's fun to throw in some old-fashioned fluff now and then! :) And I can never get enough of Sawyer nursing Jack in fic because we never will have it on the show! *sigh*

And oh yes, I'd almost forgotten! *bounces* Please, write whatever you like, I'm sure I'll love it! I've tried not to spoil myself too much this season but I hadn't heard about the not-helicopter part. (Not that it really matters!) The goodbye kiss is what matters! :)
hopelessfangirl
May. 10th, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
Ah, this is great! I love Sawyer taking care of Jack. And this wasn't too heavy on the angst, which was refreshing! Awesome. ♥
halfdutch
May. 11th, 2008 05:16 am (UTC)
Thank you! It was nice to take a break from the angst, esp. since the show is delivering it in spades lately! ♥
diandrahollman
May. 11th, 2008 12:24 am (UTC)
Have I told you I love you before? No? Marry me? Ahem.
halfdutch
May. 11th, 2008 05:16 am (UTC)
Oh wow, thank you! :) I don't know if I've ever received a marriage proposal because of a fic before. I'm flattered! Glad you liked it so much. :)
jenthegypsy
May. 11th, 2008 04:41 pm (UTC)
Beyond awesome!
halfdutch
May. 13th, 2008 04:44 am (UTC)
Thanks, hon! :) So glad you liked it! *mwah!*
flo_cleo
May. 12th, 2008 03:29 am (UTC)
I loeve it
especially how you managed to keep the sawyer voice even though it was in third person
"Please, Sawyer," and who was Sawyer to refuse a sick man?

anyway, loved it.
halfdutch
May. 13th, 2008 04:45 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you! :) Very glad you liked.
invisiblelove
May. 12th, 2008 06:37 pm (UTC)
EEEE hehehe! <333 *flaily hands*

This is totally and completely canon ;) You had all three of them pinned down perfectly! I've found that I find Juliet much more endearing when she ships Jack and Sawyer LOL

But then again, Jack always did cry at the drop of a hat.
LOL!!! LOVED this line!

This is going in the memories! Loved it!
halfdutch
May. 13th, 2008 04:45 am (UTC)
Hee, thank you! I like Juliet much better when she's shipping them as well! And aww, memories! I'm flattered. :)
( 44 comments — Leave a comment )

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