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Ache (Jack/Kate/Sawyer) NC-17

(Two fics in one day! OMG! ;-D)

Title: Ache
Pairing: Jack/Kate with a side of Sawyer/Kate and Jack/Sawyer
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sex is a luxury in a place like this.
Spoilers: Up through "... and Found"
Note: Apologies for another Jack/Kate shower fic. Written for the fanfic100 prompt, #84 "He."


She’s a little worried about being caught, but there’s no way she’s denying herself this shower. As she lathers her hair, she feels positively sinful. The hot water and the soap are the height of decadence and she closes her eyes, letting all the tension, all the quarrels, just all of it, wash away.

She imagines Jack yelling at her, hands on hips, that disappointed look on his face, and she sighs. They’re stuck here and at some point, she’s stopped even thinking of Jack as a man. Yes, he’s a man in that he needs to be right, he needs to be in control and he needs to fix everything. But he’s not a man, not the way he was at first, when she had to admit her skin tingled when he was near.

Whatever was between them at first has evaporated completely under the burden of distrust and the daily rigors of just staying alive. Sex would be a luxury in a place like this. Better not to start anything, she told herself at first and then it just wasn’t an issue anymore.

But then he stumbles into the bathroom when she’s wearing nothing but a towel and his jaw goes slack and his eyes go wide and he can’t think of what to say and God, is he blushing? She thought he would be mad, if he caught her, but he’s about as far from mad as you can get. “You could use a shower too,” she says, grinning to see that he’s still kind of struck dumb, and she walks out, leaving him to what she knows are dirty thoughts about her and she feels her own cheeks flushing and heart beating fast and she doesn’t want to leave.

She hovers in the hallway, risking someone else (please not Locke!) stumbling across her because she’s still not dressed, and waits to hear the sound of water. She pictures him standing there, struggling with giving into temptation. All work and no play make Jack a candidate for a heart attack, she’s been thinking lately. She wishes him into the shower, pictures him stripping off his clothes and letting the hot water wash over him, and then she imagines his hands running over his body, taking his cock in hand and jerking off while moaning her name.

The sound of water brings her out of her reverie. She ducks her head and smiles and walks back into the bathroom. Jack’s clothes are in a neat pile on the counter and she shakes her head at the sight. She put down her own clothes, a crumpled pile by now, next to his and peers around the corner.

He’s soaping his chest, his eyes closed. He looks positively blissful. She takes in his body, the familiar tattoos and the densely furred chest which she’s seen before, but only two or three times, and then her eyes travel downward.

She’s disappointed to see that he’s apparently not thinking about her but his cock looks just as she’d imagined it, the size of him suits his frame perfectly. She steps forward and even though she doesn’t make any noise, he turns to face her. His eyes widen but he doesn’t say anything. She lets the towel drop and those dark eyes take her in, all of her, so intently that she feels a flush spreading over her exposed skin.

She walks toward him -- he’s frozen, soap in hand -- and she thinks, why she doesn’t know, that if this were Sawyer, he’d be grinning that devilish smile at her and he’d say something appreciative in that low drawl of his that always made her melt a little. But this is Jack and he’s just burning her up with his eyes until she’s close enough to touch him.

“Kate?” he says at last and the huskiness in her voice is doing funny things to her. She takes the soap from his hands and starts to rub it over his chest and he sighs then, pulling her in, his hands running down her back until they reach the curve of her ass.

He leans down to kiss her, pulling her against him and the soap slides out of her hands. His kiss is slow and deep and he’s making little moaning noises of need in the back of his throat. His cock is pressing into her thigh now and she takes it in her hand, sending a tremor through him at her touch. He cradles her head in his hands, thumbs tracing circles over her cheeks, and he’s breathing hard as she draws his cock into her.

A shudder runs through him once he’s inside her and then all his control is gone. He backs her up against the wall, one hand braced by her head, the other pulling her leg up and wrapping it around him. She gasps as he thrusts harder. Her head falls back, making a hollow sound against the tiles and she doesn’t care and Jack doesn’t stop.

His hand’s on her hip now and if she thought he’d be gentle or careful, she’s wrong. His grip is strong enough to bruise as he slides almost completely out of her and then back again, deeper each time. Each little sound she makes speeds up his movements, hastens his breath. She pushes back hard, wrapping herself tighter around him and he comes with a groan that seems wrenched from deep inside him.

His mouth claims her again, tongue tangling with hers and she can’t believe how he can take his time to kiss her like this, so slow and sensual because this is Jack. His cock slips out but his hand moves to take its place. He’s leaning in, watching her reaction as his fingers move inside her and she has to close her eyes at the intensity of it. His thumb rubs over her clit, working in time with his fingers and he’s sending prickles of pleasure radiating out with each stroke. His mouth finds her breast, teasing the nipple between his teeth, and the two circles of pleasure are spreading out, overlapping, like ripples in a pond, until she’s gasping and begging him to stop.

She leans up to kiss him even though she’s still breathless, and when she pulls back, he’s finally smiling. She drops her head to his chest and she’s smiling too and he cradles her like that for a minute. Then he pulls her back toward the shower and slowly washes every inch of her, his hands gentle now, and by the time he’s done, he’s hard again.

They collapse on the floor on the towels and where he was rough and impatient the first time, now he takes his time, moving slowly inside her, pulling her legs higher, until he’s as deep as he can go, and the whole time he doesn’t stop kissing her. His mouth is on hers and then on her neck as she arches up to meet him again and again.

When he starts to get close, he slows down until she nods and then he brings her to orgasm with him, already knowing just how to touch her.

The floor’s not at all comfortable but neither one of them wants to get up, limbs languid from sex and each other’s warmth.

Finally, he pulls her to her feet and then they finish showering, both of them exploring each other’s body until the hot water runs out.

He rubs her hair dry with a towel and he’s too hard and she’s batting at him and laughing for him to stop and then it’s his turn and neither one of them can stop laughing. Finally they get dressed and he kisses her once more, taking her hand in his and then he steps back, like he’s memorizing the way she looks right now, and he drops her hand, fingers brushing in parting. He drops his head, smiles, and is gone and she waits a few minutes and then she leaves too.

She wonders if they’ve been missed, but more importantly, what this means now. If this was it, that’s fine with her. She tells herself she did it because Jack needed it, needed to relax, and she puts aside the question of want. Jack lives inside his head too much, she thinks, and now he remembers that there’s more to life than planning and analyzing and just coping.

That night, on the beach, Hurley distributes all the food and it’s like a party, their first one. She’s never seen Jack so relaxed and boyish. He’s like someone else, someone she barely knows as they fight over food and giggle like teenagers at every little thing. He keeps finding an excuse to touch her and then he’ll catch her eye and smile again in that way that heats up her skin.

After everyone has called it a night, he takes her hand and they walk up the beach and then they make love under the stars. She keeps thinking, “This is it now.” It’s been a perfect day but it has to end. He kisses her good night and she goes back to her tent. Tomorrow, something will happen and he’ll remember he doesn’t trust her or he’ll expect her to unquestioningly take his side now and the first time she doesn’t, that will be that. She tells herself she won’t let herself be sad when the time comes.

She expects that it will be something she does that ends it, but it isn’t.
---
When she sees Sun sitting under the tree on the beach, she walks over to offer her sympathy over her missing wedding ring. Jack had told her about it earlier and there was that moment when she knew he was thinking about his wife and she realizes she still doesn’t know how that ended. And that Jack doesn’t even know she was married at all. Only Sawyer knows that and somehow she doesn’t think he told anyone.

She’s already thinking of Sawyer as she sits down next to Sun. She’s the walking reminder of who’s out there on the raft and whether by choice or everyone’s discomfort around her, she seems to spend more time by herself since the raft sailed. By unspoken agreement, no one mentions the raft at all.

And then Sun tells her about the bottle and Kate stops breathing for a second. It doesn’t mean anything, she tells herself but she looks at the quiet resignation in Sun and she knows differently. Sun shows her the bottle and she tears through the letters, not sure why except to make sure that it’s not some other bottle full of messages, like the ocean might be full of them. Her vision is too blurry to read the letters anyway, even if Sun didn’t stop her.

“I didn’t get to say goodbye,” she says and saying it out loud is like admitting Sawyer is really dead.

That’s what felt wrong about with being with Jack, she thinks now. By moving toward Jack, she was moving away from Sawyer. She’d spent so long poised between them, that choosing Jack feels like a betrayal to Sawyer, even though he’s not here.

And then she tells herself that she’s being silly, that she doesn’t regret one second with Jack and that they’re both alive and that’s all that matters.

“We need to show Jack,” she tells Sun and she nods and lets her take it.

Kate finds him, the bottle held behind her back. A smile lights up his face when he sees her and she considers not telling him. But then she just pulls it out and hands it to him. His face falls and she knows this is it. Reality has caught back up with them and there’s nothing to be carefree about anymore.

“I’m sorry,” she says, rubbing his arm as he stares at the bottle and why does she feel that this is all her fault? He nods and walks away, his eyes bright and she wonders if he’s mourning the hope of rescue or the people on the raft more. But in her gut, she knows the answer. She knows.

He doesn’t come to her that night or the next night. On the third night, there’s a shout and everyone runs over as Michael and Jin and some strangers wander into camp, dog tired and bruised. They’re carrying something and she knows it’s Sawyer.

He’s not dead, but by the grim expression on Jack’s face, she knows he’s close.

Jack won’t let her help, just yells at her to leave, so she waits out the night on the beach, letting her limbs grow numb as the moon moves across the sky.

She stares into the fire, remembering her last conversation with Sawyer, right here. It stings to remember that he left hating her. Somehow she’s managed to convince herself otherwise, but as she runs through it in her mind again, she remembers each word he said, how she could feel his contempt and the hurt as strongly as she felt the heat of the fire, and she doesn’t fight it anymore.

If he’d died at sea, just disappeared, she thinks she would have kept lying to herself. But seeing him cradled in Jack’s arms as he works feverishly to save his life, she lets the truth in.

She remembers the feel of Jack inside of her and she thinks that if Sawyer dies, Jack will either come to her or he will be through with her forever.

When the sun rises, she walks back to the caves, to see which it will be.

Comments

( 44 comments — Leave a comment )
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eponine119
Oct. 23rd, 2005 10:22 pm (UTC)
This was amazing. Probably the hottest shower fic around. Whoa.

And you could have just stopped there, but you didn't. You wrapped it up in all the complexities of the relationships and took it to a whole other level, with Kate feeling guilty about being with Jack because of Sawyer, and that changing the initial experience.

I just love the uncertainty of the ending. Even though it seems like Kate and Jack should be together now, it's not a guarantee, and this line just pulls it all together so beautifully:

She remembers the feel of Jack inside of her and she thinks that if Sawyer dies, Jack will either come to her or he will be through with her forever.
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 12:51 am (UTC)
Wow, thanks! I know the shower scene (and the Kate/bottle scene) had already been dealt with very well but I figured it could stand another shot!

I think that even if any of them ever get together (in canon or fanon), it would be very tenuous, not just because of the triangle but just because of their whole uncertain situation.
isis2015
Oct. 23rd, 2005 10:40 pm (UTC)
Two amazing fics in one day? You're just a writing machine, aren't you? ;)
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 12:52 am (UTC)
Bwaha! Thanks. Or I have no life. *cough* ;-D

quiet_rebel
Oct. 23rd, 2005 11:30 pm (UTC)
Okay, you need a sequel for this. A reunion filled with sex! And call it "Throb" :D
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 12:52 am (UTC)
Hee. Suggestion noted. Thanks for reading! ;-D
foxxcub
Oct. 24th, 2005 12:12 am (UTC)
I see Megan summed up my previous flailings on this fic, but they really do need to be stated once again.

Like I said, you are, quite honestly, the queen of OT3 fic. You know how to get in there and illustrate every detail, every nuance of how this triangle works. They all want each other, and yet they can't give one up for the other. Again, I find it fascinating that you've taken the dynamic of Sawyer's absence and turned it into this thing that either makes or breaks Jack and Kate.

Incredible job, babe. Really. *gropes*
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 12:59 am (UTC)
Awwwwww! *slips you payoff under the table*

THANK YOU! *blushes furiously* That makes my little fangirl heart swell to bursting. I think I can only do Jack/Kate if Sawyer's in the picture (or just on their minds).

*waves OT3 banner proudly*

And I have yet to write a purely Lost fic without Sawyer in there somewhere. ;-D

God, I can't wait for the canon reaction when he shows back up!

*fondles you*

(no subject) - foxxcub - Oct. 24th, 2005 01:32 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - Oct. 24th, 2005 02:39 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - Oct. 24th, 2005 02:40 am (UTC) - Expand
hkath
Oct. 24th, 2005 12:17 am (UTC)
That was so complex and sad... and so much more than shower sex. Although, majorly hot and lengthy dose of awesome shower sex here!

His mouth finds her breast, teasing the nipple between his teeth, and the two circles of pleasure are spreading out, overlapping, like ripples in a pond, until she’s gasping and begging him to stop.

... GUH. That is all.

What happens if Sawyer doesn't die? Because, he won't. I swear.
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 01:03 am (UTC)
Awww, thanks! I was like, is this too porny? LOL. Because it's kind of a few fics in one. So I'm glad it all worked out.

And I'm not at all thinking Sawyer will die. Because I'd be flailing and then I'd stop watching the show and then who would I write pr0n about?! I was just thinking Kate was expecting the worst here and not allowing herself to imagine Sawyer living. And of course, all the complications that brings now. (Not that she wants him dead, of course! Just a big [angsty, sexy] can of worms.)
(no subject) - hkath - Oct. 24th, 2005 03:49 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - Oct. 24th, 2005 03:55 am (UTC) - Expand
alliecat8
Oct. 24th, 2005 01:56 am (UTC)
There can never be too much shower fic, LOL!

I love how Jack turned away from Kate after she showed him the bottle. He probably had some feelings of guilt after realizing that the raftees might be lost, just like Kate did. Maybe for different reasons...or maybe not, LOL. Hey, I can dream, can't I?

You and I are probably going to be sharing a brain for quite a while, now that you're doing 100 Sawyer/Jacks and I'm doing 100 Kate/Jack/Sawyers. I've got several fics loaded and ready to fire just as soon as they get my tag straightened out at fanfic_100. I keep trying to figure out how to sneak Kate in somewhere, while really writing Jack/Sawyer. Is that cheating? Um, do I care? Nah, didn't think so. There's no such thing as too much Jack/Sawyer, just as there's no such thing as too much shower sex. Here's to an excess of riches! :D
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 02:43 am (UTC)
Hurrah for shower!fic! ;-D

I was going for some J/S subtext there, yeah. Because I can't abandon the slash OTP altogether.

I am squeezing a lot of my existing J/K/S fics into my 100 fics but I hadn't figured on writing any new OT3, just kind of happened. There's still so much life left in the triangle, so I look forward to seeing what you're doing with it! I think even a side of Kate is allowed. Voyeur!Kate or Matchmaker!Kate is always great. ;-D

*And psst, it's fanfic100 - no underscore, FYI.* Thanks for reading!
rogueapprentice
Oct. 24th, 2005 02:29 am (UTC)
*Amber makes a happy face*

I wuv you, you know.
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 02:44 am (UTC)
Awww, yay! I figured you'd either like this or you'd mind terribly that I shoehorned Sawyer in there. He's the spice that makes Jack/Kate extra nice, in my world, LOL.

Yay for Amber love! ;-D
(no subject) - rogueapprentice - Oct. 24th, 2005 04:02 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - Oct. 24th, 2005 04:25 am (UTC) - Expand
didibreakit
Oct. 24th, 2005 03:19 am (UTC)
Thank God for this fandom...
Whoo...that was the hottness. After studying all day for stupid tests it was nice to a take a break and find that waiting for me :) Great job...definitely made me want to lose myself in all that is Jack/Kate/Sawyer...but alas...studying calls. I love that you brought the Sawyer aspect in at the end and tied it all up. It's those little touches that separate you from other fic writers. Where they are 'meh' you and a handful of others (who I'm sure you know and read) are 'yes!' and 'guh' :)

P.s. any recs for some other Jack/Kate shower scene fics? I'm in need of another break :)
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 03:50 am (UTC)
Re: Thank God for this fandom...
Glad you liked and you are altogether too sweet. And yay for pr0n! ;-D I can't have my Jack/Kate without Sawyer. (And this is probably the least I've had Sawyer in any of my Lost fics - he doesn't even get a line, LOL!)

I'm sure I'm missing some J/K shower fics, but what comes to mind first is Fire and Ice by eponine119
foxygirl33
Oct. 24th, 2005 04:32 am (UTC)
Oh. Dear. God. You are a goddess!!! *kisses your cheek* Thank you for this marvelous JK smut. Like Eponine said, it's complete within it's characters-thoughts and aftermath.

I'm not sure why Jack suddenly abandons her though- because he feels guilty about Sawyer? Loves him?

Please write a sequel to this! It would be an interesting twist to have Sawyer's life hanging in the balance from Jack and Kate's pov.
foxygirl33
Oct. 24th, 2005 04:37 am (UTC)
Oh and there can NEVER be too many Jack-nursing-Sawyer fics, now can there? ;) *sings to self* I don't think sooooo!
(no subject) - halfdutch - Oct. 24th, 2005 04:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - Oct. 24th, 2005 04:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
arabella_hope
Oct. 24th, 2005 04:48 am (UTC)
I've been trying to save this as a little present to myself for when the cable was gone, but I couldn't hold out...

"Ache'ingly beautiful and poignant. I love that Sawyer is in their thoughts always, but that they've still allowed themselves the pleasure of each other's company...and it fits so perfectly with canon, just one of those things that are undeniably true to our group here. And that they got to do it, what, 3, 4 times? Perfect. Long live the OT3!

*runs off to devour J/J fic!*
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 09:53 pm (UTC)
Thank you hon! Heh, I did pack a lot of sex in there, didn't I? I figured they'd been denying themselves for so long that when they finally gave in they wouldn't be able to stop.

Vive le OT3! ;-D Thanks for reading!
julissak01
Oct. 24th, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
Oh, this was sinfully hot and angsty and tugged muchly at the heart strings. And you made me read het! And my eyes aren't bleeding! *twirls*

Very composed piece of prose that still manages to leave some things stylishly unanswered. Loffed it, hon. *snugs*
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 09:55 pm (UTC)
Awww yay, I'm glad I didn't make your eyeballs bleed! ;-D

Many thanks for reading and for saying such nice things about it.

*loffs you*
zenana7
Oct. 24th, 2005 07:00 am (UTC)
You have this ability to capture the subtext & deleted scenes so perfectly...
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 09:56 pm (UTC)
Oh thanks so much! If only they *were* deleted scenes that might show up on a DVD!

*fans self at the thought* ;-D
holycitygirl
Oct. 24th, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC)
I wasn't going to read this. (Having issues with Kate/anybody these days-lol) But I'm soooo glad I did.

Very ansgty beautiful. Very hot. OMG- I so rarely read Het -I forgot I could enjoy it. Thanks for reminding me!!!
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 09:57 pm (UTC)
Woo, I overcame your objection to het and Kate! ;-D Thanks so much! I'm mostly about the Jack/Sawyer as you know, but I do love my OT3 as well. I don't usually go for Jack/Kate unless Sawyer is part of it somehow.

So glad you enjoyed it!
rangergirl
Oct. 24th, 2005 06:24 pm (UTC)
Gah. You rock. Beautiful.

I don't even like Jack/Kate, like at all, but I loved this because in a sense it wasn't really about them so much as it was about the Skate and Jawyer, both of which I love ^^. That was how it read to me, anyway. Wonderful job, in any case, and very plausible. *mems*
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)
Awww, thanks! Jack/Kate is far from my usual OTP but I do love them - I just need my side of Sawyer too. And yes, I did manage to make it all about Sawyer, even though he's barely in it.

So pleased you liked it!
cellyjelly
Oct. 24th, 2005 11:11 pm (UTC)
omg, I love it all! Your header, this fic, your icons, everything!!!
Great Job, I'm at a loss for words, because believe it or not, this is the first shower fic I've ever read, very pleased that yours was the first!
halfdutch
Oct. 25th, 2005 12:12 am (UTC)
Awww, thanks so much! I can claim credit for all the but icons! (Well most of those anyway - I did attempt a few ones recently. LOL).

I'm so glad you liked this! eponine119 did one called "Fire and Ice" that was just Jack/Kate.
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