Jack (Lost) for isis2015
I love Jack something fierce because he wears his heart on his sleeve, and it's a really big damn heart. He puts more pressure on himself than anyone and beats himself up relentlessly for it. There's that little Christian Shephard voice in his head all the time, telling him he's not good enough, and sometimes he believes it. But then the essential kindness in him, that innate core of empathy and wanting to do the right thing that wasn't hammered out by Daddy's bitterness, wins out and he does act. Except so often, in his great rush to do the right thing, or to just do something before that fear paralyzes him, he does exactly the wrong thing. He is guilty of leaping before he looks all the damn time.
I love Jack because as much as he claims to be a Man of Science, he's really a Man of Instinct. He doesn't study situations, he just does what he thinks ought to be done. He wants people to act the way they should, and he gets frustated when they don't. He's always misjudging people and sometimes I think he wouldn't know a snake until it snuck up and bit him on the ass. Which isn't to say that he doesn't lord it over someone whom he thinks is doing things wrong or for the wrong reasons. (Judgment, thy name is Shephard.) Jack wants the world to be a simpler place than it is, and he makes the mistake of assuming everyone approaches people and situations the way he does, heartfirst.
He's been knocked around enough to have tremendous walls up, and his workaholic nature on and off the island is another way of avoiding intimacy. He's done such a good job of keeping everyone out, because I think he knows that he's too vulnerable and still too trusting. And he does trust people. Despite occasionally putting people who cross him in the equivalent of a "time out," I think he believes, deep down, that everyone is capable of the same good he is and that, when it comes down to it, they will do the right thing. I think the only way to really cross him is to hurt one of his people or to declare yourself above the law, or to show no remorse, the three things his father did that ultimately made Jack turn against him. And I could say more about Jack and his deeply ingrained sense of loyalty but I've rambled on long enough.
Sawyer for gottalovev
I love Sawyer because he is both the hero and the villain of his own story. There's a way that the tragedy of his parents' death sets him above (or at the very least, apart from) everyone else: those idiots have no idea what life is really like, but he does. I think he wishes his father had found him under the bed that night and that he feels guilty for having survived. Everything he does now, everything he ever might do is tainted, so why not become a con man, why not become the thing that destroyed his own family?
But at the same time, just like with Jack, there is that man struggling to do the right thing. Much more than Jack does, Sawyer needs to be loved. Because I think he was loved, as a child, something Jack never really knew and so is blindly doing without. (Jack can't even recognize real love from gratitude, the poor dumb schmuck.) But Sawyer knows love when he finds it and he coldly looks it in the eye and then he walks away anyway. Because he's not good enough for it.
But that's the angsty side of Sawyer and if that's all there were to him, we wouldn't love him like we do. Because the man is funny, and insanely smart and a little bit of a nerd. He has the discipline to plan schemes several moves out (no way he lost to Jack in that card game!) but he also knows how to live in the moment. This is man who has a head for manipulation and a body for sin and a heart that just gets in the way.
I've compared him to a chained-up dog; he wants to be your friend, but he just can't trust you that much, so he'll snap first, before you get a chance to hit him. He is also fiercely loyal -- he took a bullet for Walt, for God's sake, and he refused to sell out his friends, when they immediately sold him out first chance they got. Sawyer would never, ever do what Michael did. EVER. He is and always will be a better man than that, even if he'd never admit it to himself. It kills me that just about every time he does something unselfish, life kicks him in the ribs again, telling him not to bother. I just want Jack to be his goddamn friend already. But, since Jack is no good at reading people, and doesn't understand why Sawyer took the guns in the first place, I don't see that happening soon. If someone like Jack, a good man, just treated him with respect, well, that would make a world of difference. In some ways, they're custom-designed to drive each other nuts. But as long as they get to interact at all, I'm a pretty happy fangirl.
Whew ok, that was longwinded and ended up being about Jack/Sawyer. *ahem* And I didn't even mention the dimples or the tats! Other characters to come later.