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Title: A Lonely Stretch of Beach
Summary: Boone appears to Sawyer
Pairing: Sawyer/Boone, light Jack/Sawyer
Rating: R
Spoilers: Further Instructions, promo for Every Man For Himself
Note: Thank you to foxxcub and zelda_zee for holding my hand on this one and to Zelda for the fantastic beta! This is about as light as a captivity fic based on that promo can get, I think. So relatively light.





He isn’t in pain anymore, and that scares him. Underneath, just under the surface, he can feel the agony from being pushed past the breaking point again. And again. And again.

Each time he finally cries out, finally gives voice to the pain, they shoot him full of something and a haze descends on him until the screaming in his muscles is only a dull throb. It never goes away, it just gets quieter, like turning down a blaring radio. And then slowly turning it up again.

His throat is raw from screaming. As they jab the needle into his arm again, he stares at the woman who’s so impassively injecting him. “Gotta be gettin’ old by now,” he rasps. Because he can’t stand to hear the sound of his own screams anymore.

He must have passed out, because when he comes to, he’s alone. On waking, he stiffens by instinct and his muscles protest. Just a whimper this time, not a scream. Whatever drugs they pumped into him are still in his system. For now.

He’s in a small, bare room, hunched up in the corner like a boy who’s been bad. Like a bad little boy who’s trying to hide, trying to make himself as small as possible. He should get up, try the door. But he knows if he moves, this little bubble he’s in will tear, and tear hard.

So he sits quietly and tries to assess the damage without moving a muscle. He runs down his body limb by limb, taking a mental inventory. He starts to think he might live.

But when he turns his gaze outward, he’s not at all sure about that last part.

Boone is staring calmly at him, a hint of a smile on that pretty face. He looks different. His hair is longer. He’s so clean, he’s almost glowing. Angelic.

“Crap.” Sawyer’s voice is just a scrape in his throat.

“Hi, Sawyer.” Boone lays a hand on his shoulder and Sawyer jumps at his touch. The tiny movement sends tremors through his protesting muscles. Don’t. If it weren’t for the drugs, he’d be climbing these walls right about now. Except it's probably the drugs that're making him see what he's seeing.

He closes his eyes, and when he opens them again, Boone is still there. “Wish I could say I was more pleased to see you, kid.” Sawyer winces from the effort of talking. “Unless you’re here to rescue me. ‘Cept that ain’t the case, is it?”

“You look like shit,” Boone says with a smile and there’s no sting to his words. His presence is oddly soothing.

There’s a soft light around Boone and the boy looks prettier, more perfect than Sawyer can remember. Drugs or dying. “No trumpets?” Sawyer starts to cough and then finds he can’t stop.

“Oh, you’re not dead,” Boone says and Sawyer nods, because he might as well believe a hallucination as not. “Not yet.”

Sawyer sighs. “Good. Because if you’re here to escort me to some fluffy, white cloud, I’m gonna need some help walkin’.”

Boone leans forward, those spooky blue eyes rooting him to the spot even more than he already is. “Locke needed a wheelchair.”

Sawyer blinks. That not yet is sounding a lot less reassuring. “He’s dead?”

“No. I just showed him some things he needed to see.”

“Like what?” Sawyer’s left eyebrow shoots up. “You visitin’ everyone who done you wrong? Gonna take me on a tour of all my past sins?”

“You’re thinking of the Ghost of Christmas Past,” Boone smirks. “Sawyer, I’m here to help you.”

“Mighta sent your sister then.” He manages a smile but it isn’t a good joke and he feels even shittier after making it.

“Right. You think Shannon would make out with you now that she’s dead?” Boone’s voice drips with scorn and for a second, Sawyer forgets Boone’s dead and he gets that urge he always did to wring the boy’s neck. He raises his hands just the tiniest bit, and the bubble bursts. Bands of pain criss-cross his chest and he gasps, shocked as it all comes rushing back.

“Because you know she wouldn’t give you the time of day when she was alive,” Boone is saying, except now that perfect, peaceful face is clouded with concern. Or is that contempt? “Sawyer... hey.” Boone puts his hand on Sawyer’s shoulder again and like that, the pain stops.

Sawyer draws in a few shaky breaths, then dares a few deeper ones. The pain isn’t just dialed down this time. It’s gone.

“You still tryin’ to tell me you’re not an angel?”

Boone just quirks an eyebrow at him. That angelic expression is starting to really bug him.

Without fear of bringing back the unholy pain, Sawyer stabs a finger at the kid. “Look. I’m real fuckin’ tired of being messed with, tired of being lied to and manipulated and tortured for no goddamn reason, and if I’m dyin’ could you at least just fuckin’ tell me the truth? ‘Cause if you want me to go with you, I’m more ‘n’ ready. Just stop fuckin’ with me, would you?”

He waits for Boone to stand up and take him by the hand and the room to whoosh away into nothing and there to be nothing. He’s not at all prepared for Boone to lean in and for those soft lips to brush over his.

Sawyer must still be alive because the blood is rushing in his ears and his heart is racing as he opens his mouth to Boone. Since he’s free to move his hands now, they twine in Boone’s hair, that soft, pretty, perfectly styled hair, as he pulls him closer. He hears himself moan, and it’s not from pain. He tastes Boone -- not strawberries like Kate, but something darker and stronger, like red wine.

Boone’s practically in his lap now, sighing as he unbuttons Sawyer’s shirt and slips a hand inside. Sawyer grips his arms, surprised at the muscular strength under his fingertips. There’s no pain, just warmth and desire and the tingling beginnings of pleasure.

“Never had the guts to do this before,” Boone whispers. “Thought you’d beat the hell out of me.”

Sawyer shivers as Boone’s tongue traces the outline of his ear. “Thought Jack was your boy.”

Boone sits back, regards him seriously. “Sawyer, for a smart guy you can be a complete idiot sometimes.” His fingers curl in Sawyer’s hair suddenly, like he might fly away if he doesn’t hold on. “Come with me. I have something to show you.”

He holds out his hand and the second Sawyer’s palm touches his, the room falls away.

They’re on a beach: white sand, brilliant sunshine, intensely blue ocean. The sand crunches between his toes. He can feel the heat of the sun on his skin, hear the crashing of the surf.

A few yards away, and yet seemingly a world away, are Jack and Kate. Jack’s wearing swim trunks, Kate a bikini. He’s spread out on a beach towel, sitting up and smiling as she brings him a margarita. Neither one of them looks like they have a care in the world.

Sawyer looks over at Boone, who’s wearing that irritatingly smug smile again. Like being dead makes him better, somehow.

“This what you needed me to see?” Sawyer hates that prickle in the back of his throat he gets when he sees them together. Laughing, joking. Acting like no one else exists but them. He can’t quite make out what they’re saying, even though they’re close enough that he should be able to. The noise of the surf drowns their words.

In the distance, he can see other people, he’s not sure who exactly. They’re gathered around Charlie, who’s playing his guitar. It looks like a big party. One he’s not invited to.

The sound of the crashing surf is getting louder and louder. He turns to look at the waves and they’re dangerously high, but everyone on the beach is oblivious.

Jack gets up and strolls towards the water, like he’s going to take a dip. He doesn’t seem to see how high the water is. Sawyer shouts, but Jack doesn’t hear.

He starts to run toward Jack, to pull him back, but Boone grabs him by the arm. Everything freezes, even the ocean.

“Sawyer, you can’t help them now.”

“You’re tellin’ me they’re all gonna die and there’s nothin’ I can do about it?”

“No, I’m telling you this isn’t real. Not yet. You have to figure out what it means. And what you need to do.”

“Then what’s the fucking point?” Sawyer stalks off, unnerved that the imaginary sand still crunches so convincingly.

“This was so much easier with Locke. He didn’t talk,” Boone sighs, and goes after him.

“What, you kiss Locke too?”

“No.” Boone makes an exaggerated face. “Bad enough I had to see him shirtless. Look, this is what the island wanted me to show you. I don’t know what it means. But I do know if you go back, it won’t be easy. Things are just going to get worse. You’ll be in pain. And maybe you can’t save them anyway.”

”You know, if you’d been the angel who visited Jimmy Stewart, he’d have jumped right back in that river and considered himself lucky.” It takes a minute for the first word of "if you go back” to sink in.

Boone answers his question before he asks it. “You can stay here, with me. Nothing but sunshine. No more pain.” He puts his hand over the gash on Sawyer’s chest and all Sawyer feels is the warmth of his touch. “It’s up to you, Sawyer. Whatever you want. But you have to decide.”

He pulls Sawyer down with him, onto the sand, and Sawyer finds himself giving in. After so much pain, he forgot what pleasure feels like. The sand feels real and the sun feels real and Boone’s hands unbuttoning his jeans feel goddamned beautifully real. He arches up as Boone encircles him with his fist. He lets his eyes close, lets his body move and his mind still. This may not be exactly how he pictured heaven, but it’s close enough.

Boone settles on top of him, the weight and the solidity of him so real it can’t be real. His stubble scrapes his cheek and his breath is hot and cool all at once. His lips press hard against Sawyer’s and Sawyer is so close, so close now. If he just keeps his hips moving, if he just lets Boone keep doing what he’s doing...

Except Sawyer must be some kind of glutton for punishment because every time he gets close, the image of Jack blindly facing that wall of water comes rushing back. He starts to panic. Somehow, he thinks, once he gives in he’s stuck in this empty soundstage of an afterlife forever. And he’s got to get back.

“Forget it,” he says, pushing up hard, trying to dislodge Boone. There’s a rush in his ears and he hears himself gasping for air. As he gulps in a breath, what feels like his first in hours, the pain comes screaming back into every nerve.

“Sawyer, thank God.” Jack’s hovering over him, relief and exhaustion written in each line of his face.

“Doc? Were you just ... kissin’ me?”

Jack lets out an enormous laugh, one that’s threatening to dissolve into high-pitched giggles. “I had to give you mouth to mouth Sawyer. You stopped breathing.” He’s a little out of breath himself and from the sag of his shoulders and those circles under his eyes, he hasn’t exactly been sunning himself on the beach this whole time.

“Christ, I shoulda stayed ...” Sawyer grimaces, shocked at how much his body can hurt. His fingers dig into Jack’s arm. He looks around, but he doesn’t see Boone anymore.

“You had me scared,” Jack says, patting Sawyer’s hand before he gently pries it away from his arm. “I thought you were gone.”

”Nearly was. More ways ‘n’ one,” Sawyer sighs, trying to recall the bliss he felt on that imaginary beach. "So, they send you in here to make sure I'm ready for another round?"

"No, Sawyer. You're safe now. No one's going to hurt you anymore." He hands him a bottle of water and a couple pills and Sawyer swallows, unquestioningly.

“Guess I missed the cavalry ridin’ in.”

“Yeah, you sure did,” Jack’s smile turns to a frown as he gives Sawyer a cursory examination. “A little island-style ‘shock and awe.’ They didn’t know what hit them.”

Sawyer nods, trying to picture it, and then realizing it doesn’t really matter. “Hope Mr. T swung that Jesus stick hard.”

Jack is too deep in doctor mode to respond. “Does this hurt?” He tries to bend Sawyer’s wrist.

“Yes, fuck!” Sawyer protests.

“It’s not broken.” Jack nods. “You’re lucky.”

Sawyer swears under his breath as Jack sets about bandaging his various cuts and scrapes. He's at it a while. Sawyer watches him as he works, intent on his task, those rough hands as gentle as they can be.

The pain is still there, but it's slowly receding, like someone's wrapped him in cotton. Sawyer's eyes are starting to close. Just in case Jack's not there when he opens them, he better say his piece. "You’re not ... plannin’ on going swimmin’ any time soon, are you, Doc?”

“No.” Jack stops and looks at him strangely.

“'S the drugs,” Sawyer winces as Jack tapes up his chest. “Say, you know you get prettier after you’re dead? And your hair gets longer?”

Jack snorts. “No, I didn’t.”

“And you can still have sex,” Sawyer sighs wistfully.

“That’s nice,” Jack says absentmindedly as he takes Sawyer's wrist in his hand, counting off heartbeats. Jack's so solid, so real. But then again, so was Boone.

"Sure you're not an angel either?" Sawyer's tongue is thick and his eyelids are heavy. It's a struggle to keep talking.

Jack's stare is even more intent now, dark eyes narrowing as if he's trying to decide if Sawyer is serious. Finally he smiles, a little perplexed, like he's missing something. "No, Sawyer. Sorry to say, you're still stuck here with the rest of us."

"Ahh, damn." Sawyer sighs, like he's disappointed. He has to cover his smile by pretending to yawn. He pictures that stretch of beach, only this time with Jack.

"Sorry, kid," he mutters before he tumbles into sleep.


Comments

( 40 comments — Leave a comment )
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inthekeyofd
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:04 pm (UTC)
Boone is visiting everyone!!

I loved the symbolism of Jack going in the water, it's too high, he'll drown, like the island, the situation, himself..is drowning him. Yes, I really liked that.

Best line though..Boone saying it was bad enough that he had to see Locke with no shirt on.

There is just something about this I really liked, I don't know if it was Boone being the island sacrifice and now almost the mouth piece of it, or the fact that he was visiting Sawyer or the fact that Jack saved him. You're writing always brings a smile to my face, makes me think and is just so original and can I say descriptive, and this is no exception.
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2006 07:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I was trying to find a vision scenario that worked on a metaphorical level, like the one on the show, which I loved.

I'm so glad you liked this! Thank you, hon!
astra2104
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:20 pm (UTC)
Aw, man...I missed Boone; on the show and in fic coming from it, it's so nice to have him back in both, even if it's just for a little while.

And the sawyer/Jack interaction in this fic was perfect, honest and real and just GOOD.
If it turns out to be like this next Wednesday, I'm happy. *crosses fingers and hopes*
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2006 07:38 pm (UTC)
It was good to see him, wasn't it? I wanted him to hang around a little longer too.

If it turns out to be like this next Wednesday, I'm happy.
And aww, thank you! I'd love to see Jack furious over their treatment of Sawyer and coming to his aid. I don't think rescue is right around the corner, though, unfortunately.
ficangel
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:32 pm (UTC)
Poor Boone, stuck on the island forever. I really liked this, and liked the happy ending. Of course Sawyer's going to fight. It's what Sawyer does.
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2006 07:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I can't imagine Sawyer ever going quietly, latent death wish or no!

And yes, poor, pretty Boone. The island was too greedy there.
gottalovev
Oct. 24th, 2006 02:53 pm (UTC)
oh, yes, Boone should appear to everyone! I loved how he could take away the pain, but not the longing for Jack, so Sawyer had to resist and come back.

this was a very original captivity fic, with the dream sequence and the boone!snark. And the ending was great, when Sawyer comes awake at Jack's mouth to mouth and the subcequent banter!

“A little island-style ‘shock and awe.’ They didn't know what hit them.”

you have no idea how badly I want to see that!!
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2006 07:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the kind words! ;) I'm so glad you liked this.

And man, I hope there's some strategic use of dynamite! I'm looking forward to the rescue but I don't think we're getting it all that soon.
elise_509
Oct. 24th, 2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
this is really fantastic! I love Boone making the rounds, giving everyone advice via dreams/hallucinations when they need it. It was a really awesome idea, having Boone come around and help Sawyer out; it only got better when Jack showed up and saved Sawyer. The ending was just perfect. Very original, darling! You're amazing. :)
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2006 07:44 pm (UTC)
*blushes*

Thank you so much, hon! It was so good to see Boone again, I just had to fic that! But of course I had to end on Jack/Sawyer. Because I'm just that predictable! ;)
demonqueen666
Oct. 24th, 2006 04:39 pm (UTC)
Ah, Boone, the angel of sexy. Hee.

I really liked this. All of the symbolism and emotion inherant in it. As always, a very very good job.

...Next you know, everyone's going to be seeing Boone, and Locke'll be over in the corner going "You know, I was seeing Dead Boone before it was cool."
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2006 07:46 pm (UTC)
Ah, Boone, the angel of sexy.

That he is! Hee.

So glad you liked it. And yes, Locke's going to be very grumpy if he has to share Boone with anyone else!
hkath
Oct. 24th, 2006 05:02 pm (UTC)
This was light? Hehehe :)

Oh, lovely, loyal Sawyer here, going back for Jack. Jack would never survive without him! He's too much of a headstrong idiot! Lovely little picture you painted there. *hearts*

And... I'm loathe to admit this, but somewhere in the recesses of my brain, there's a tiny place where Sawyer is straight but Boone is just pretty enough to do it for him ;)
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2006 07:51 pm (UTC)
This was light?

Er, well, relatively! (Compared to my last fic, at least!) It does get lighter towards the end there!

And I adore how loyal Sawyer is. Jack too, really. My little heart warms whenever one of them gets protective of the other.

somewhere in the recesses of my brain, there's a tiny place where Sawyer is straight but Boone is just pretty enough to do it for him ;)

OMG, you've just given me a lost_hiatus prompt! Which you can feel free to claim! *elbows you*

(no subject) - halfdutch - Oct. 24th, 2006 08:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
foxxcub
Oct. 24th, 2006 05:41 pm (UTC)
I never quite conveyed this to you, but I just love the feel of this, and not just because it mirrors the atmosphere of last week's ep. You did a wonderful of illustrating Sawyer's pain and desperation to feel anything but that pain. I was a little shocked when I first got to the Sawyer/Boone-ness, but then I immediately thought, "Oh, totally. Yeah, this works, even though I never saw it coming."

Anyway, LOL. Take all that rambling for what it is, a huge compliment to your awesomeness. *hearts liek whoa*
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2006 09:45 pm (UTC)
Oh thank you so much, hon. *snuggles* I'm so glad you think it works and that it captures the feel of the vision sequence of the last ep. Copying canon is always tough!

And THANK YOU for always being so supportive. Means more than you can know! ;)

siluria
Oct. 24th, 2006 05:51 pm (UTC)
Now this I really enjoyed. I did like that Boone was back last week, and I really hope to see a lot more of him. I think you used him very well in this. And you've actually helped me with a little block I had with a fic idea, so I thank you! :)
halfdutch
Oct. 24th, 2006 11:03 pm (UTC)
Oh thank you! And wow, glad to be of (inadvertent) service! ;) Is Boone involved?
(no subject) - siluria - Oct. 26th, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
emiliglia
Oct. 24th, 2006 07:08 pm (UTC)
I love you for this like whoa.

I don't even know what to say since I'm in such awe.

I'm very happy for whatever inspired this - couldn't have been better. My three favorite men in one story...what more could a girl ask for?
halfdutch
Oct. 25th, 2006 12:58 am (UTC)
Awww, yay! Happy to please! ;)
alliecat8
Oct. 24th, 2006 08:04 pm (UTC)
How much am I loving the idea of Boone as the Island Angel?! That's just so awesome. I wish they would keep him around and have him appear to various characters in their weak moments. He could be a regular again! 'k, I guess I'm being delusional, but a girl can dream. ;)

I loved the dreamy feel of this, and the moments of humor, but what really makes it stand out is Sawyer's choice; he chooses an existence of pain and uncertainty because he realizes that Jack needs him. I'm such a sucker for Jack and Sawyer saving each other. This fic really hit the spot. Thank you! ♥
halfdutch
Oct. 25th, 2006 01:00 am (UTC)
*beams*

Thank you! I fear that's the last we'll see of Boone until maybe the last episode. And wow, I don't want to think about that!

I'm such a sucker for Jack and Sawyer saving each other.

Me too! Let's hope we get some of that in canon! Thank you and so glad you liked!

cmonkatiekatie
Oct. 24th, 2006 09:42 pm (UTC)
Oh wow, this I like so very much!! I'm not sure if it's the style or the language or what but the mood you created was incredible, sort of slow and dream like and kinda eerie but just spot on. And the image of the Beach? perfect and so very like the airport scene. And I like how the whole thing is just sort of grounded in Sawyer's obligation to go back, because he's so got that part in him.

Yeah, I love how my comments are my own personal stream of conciousness of trying to figure out the story. Regardless, I loved this. I think they *should* make pretty pretty Boone visit everybody!
halfdutch
Oct. 25th, 2006 01:03 am (UTC)
Aww, thank you! I'll take it! ;) I'm so happy to hear that the beach here was similar to the airport scene. And yes, dammit, Sawyer would absolutely go back! I don't know if he's ever had anyone to be loyal to before this.

And yes, Boone should visit everyone! ;) Everyone could use a shirtless vision and alone time with Boone!
fosfomifira
Oct. 25th, 2006 01:30 am (UTC)
I feel like I need to give Sawyer a big hug. He's been through so much, all that pain -physical and emotional-, all of it pointless and meaningless and neverending and yet he chooses to come back, even if he doesn't believe he's wanted or needed, that he will be missed.

I can't say I understand what the Island wanted Sawyer too and maybe that's the point (I haven't read the comments yet). Maybe the point is that even though he doesn't believe others care about him he cares about them and is willing to go to hell and back to help them.
halfdutch
Oct. 25th, 2006 04:26 am (UTC)
Aww, hon. I'm sorry if this was just more Sawyer torture. :-(

The message of the vision was that he's needed and that there's something coming up only he can save them from. I just wanted to show that Sawyer's not as selfish as he sometimes seems and that he was willing to give up safety and peace for the welfare of people he does care about. I guess I thought this ended on a kind of happy (or at least promising) note!

Maybe the point is that even though he doesn't believe others care about him he cares about them and is willing to go to hell and back to help them.

Yes! Although they do care about him more than he realizes! Especially Jack! ;) Right?
zelda_zee
Oct. 25th, 2006 05:06 am (UTC)
Yep, I really like this fic! Particularly the vision, which as somebody said up there ^^, really did echo the airport scene so well, and Boone, so beautiful and angelic.

I'm having the strongest urge to fic spirit guide Boone, I just don't have a plot bunny. Maybe Boone appears to Juliet and tells her to go shoot herself with a taser?? Like, a bajillion times?? Now there's a fic I'd read! ;)
halfdutch
Oct. 25th, 2006 05:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you again for all your help and encouragement on this one! ;) It very nearly never got finished, as you know!

And hee, I'd read that, LOL. (Although I have to say my hatred for that troll on MI-5 is kind of eclipsing all other TV characters ... I should wait until I see tonight again to weigh in, though!)
themoononastick
Oct. 25th, 2006 10:51 pm (UTC)
Ok, I'm gonna get the shallow bit out of the way first - BOONE! GUH! And Sawyer/Boone *bites lip* yum! I would love this fic just for that alone.

But, man, there is so much more to love about this, the atmosphere of it, the beauty of the description of events and emotions, it's so gorgeous. I love the dialogue between Sawyer and Boone, it's so them, so perfect. And it fits so wonderfully in with last week's episode, I just wish they would have Boone visit everyone - but only if you get to write it.

*loves*
halfdutch
Oct. 28th, 2006 05:17 am (UTC)
Ooh, thank you, love! ;) Damn, but it was good to see Boone again! Too much of a shame to waste his only appearance on Locke.

I'm so glad you liked this. *bounces*

(And I think we were on a bit of a mind-meld because you used a radio metaphor -- much more wonderfully and extensively - in your fic. Synchronicity!)

*kisses*
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