Note: Written for cmonkatiekatie, who wanted Jack and Sawyer being marched off to dentention by the rest of the camp a la the original Parent Trap, but "instead of discovering that they're twin sisters, they discover they like naked touching!"
Jack pounded against the metal door until the flat of his hands ached, but he was damned if he was going to stop.
“Pound away, Doc,” Sawyer said in that annoyingly smug tone he had whenever pointing out how big a fool Jack was being at the moment. “They threw us in this here gun room on purpose, ‘member?” He was leaning up against the far wall -- not that far, really, when the whole room was maybe 8 feet by 6, at best -- looking just as lazily unconcerned as he did day in and day out, napping on the beach.
”Yes, I remember,” Jack snapped. “It was 10 minutes ago!”
They -- pretty much the whole damn camp, led by an extremely irate Hurley and Sayid -- had hustled Jack and Sawyer inside the hatch after the latest in their series of escalating counterpranks had gone horribly wrong.
The camp police had thrown them into the arsenal, none too gently, and locked the door. Sayid issued a dire threat that the two of them had better sort out all this nonsense and make peace or they could rot in here. “You can shout all you like,” Sayid had said menacingly through the door. “No one will be here to hear you.”
Jack pressed his forehead to the door. He wasn’t admitting defeat, he was just taking a rest, sizing up the situation. “I was hoping they’d come to their senses by now,” he muttered.
“Now, see, that’s just what they’re hopin’ we’re doin’ in here,” Sawyer said. “Pretty extreme timeout, if you ask me. I mean, sure we turned the camp upside down. They’re probably still gettin’ the syrup ‘n’ flour out of their hair,” he chuckled. “I thought Sayid was gonna explode, he was so mad. But is it my fault that he ‘n’ Hurley wandered into the trap I set for you?”
Jack’s head throbbed, a sure sign that another Sawyer-induced migraine was coming on. Without having to turn and look at him, he could see Sawyer’s cocky grin, just from memory alone. He turned to jab an accusing finger at Sawyer. “Not your fault?! This is all your fault,” he shouted. “You started this! And you didn’t know when to stop!”
“Damn straight, I started it,” Sawyer laughed, still entirely too amused by the situation for Jack’s liking. “’Cuz you ain’t got a lick of fun in that whole body of yours. Never met anyone who had no sense of humor before.”
“So cutting off the back off my jeans while I slept was ... for my own good?” Jack laid on the sarcasm thick enough for even a dumb hick like Sawyer to pick up on it.
Sawyer was too busy laughing and waving his hands to answer him for a good minute or two. “Yeah, definite improvement there,” he finally croaked out between giggles as he wiped a tear from his eye. "Yeah, Doc, those are the tightest tightie-whities I’ve ever seen. No wonder you’re so fuckin’ cranky all the time! The boys ain’t gettin’ no oxygen!’
“Well, at least I wear underwear,” Jack harrumphed. “It’s not my fault that you choose not to.”
”Oh, come on, Doc, you knew full well I got nothin’ on under my jeans,” Sawyer said, cocking an eyebrow suggestively. “Everyone knows that!”
“I didn’t,” Jack insisted firmly. “But I guess I should have. You’re always strutting around half-naked, showing off. Why don’t you ever put a shirt on?”
“I do!” Sawyer pulled at the collar of the plaid, button-up shirt he was currently wearing. “What the fuck do you call this?”
”Okay, you only strut around half-naked, most of the time.” Jack rolled his eyes. “About 90 percent, I’d say,” he added under his breath.
“It’s hot!” Sawyer protested. “You wanna go around fully dressed and get all sweaty and disgusting, be my guest.”
“Please,” Jack sniffed. “You just want everyone to see what a great body you have.”
“Why thank you for noticing, Jack,” Sawyer smiled, ducking his head in a pretense of modesty. “Guess you thought even more of it should be on display. Didn’t figure you for an ass man, myself.”
”Oh for ...” Jack threw up his hands. “I only cut up your jeans because you cut mine up first! I have no desire to see you naked!”
“Oh no?” Sawyer’s hands went to his belt. “Cuz you just say the word and ...” He leered at Jack. He was enjoying this whole thing far too much. The madder Jack got, the more Sawyer seemed to find him endlessly amusing and Jack had had enough.
“Just stop it. What are you, 12?”
“Why, you like ‘em young?” Sawyer’s leer, if anything, intensified.
”NO!” Jack stalked across the small space and slammed Sawyer up against the wall. “Now, you listen to me, James Ford.”
Sawyer started at the sound of his real name.
“Oh yes, I know your name,” Jack continued, getting a dark thrill from the fact that he had caught Sawyer by surprise, that he was maybe scaring him a little. He grabbed Sawyer by the collar and shook him, just enough to prove he meant business. “And I am calling you on all your bullshit, James. You think just because you’ve got those blue eyes and a killer smile and a body like that, you can get away with everything? You’ve been getting away with murder your whole life, haven’t you, just because no one can think straight when they look at you?!”
He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he was expecting, but he thought he’d get something. Instead, Sawyer just stared at him in confusion.
Finally, a self-satisfied smile spread over Sawyer’s face. “Y’know, I think there was a compliment in there somewhere.”
Jack snorted. “Come on, don’t play cute. You know you’re ridiculously good looking. You’ve been working it since day one.”
“Have I? Didn’t realize,” Sawyer answered smoothly, blue eyes alight with wicked thoughts. “At least ... didn’t realize you thought I was tryin’ to work you.”
“Am... not...” Jack said between gritted teeth. He knew, on some vague, unimportant level, that his reply didn’t make any sense, because in the space of the last few seconds, Sawyer had worked a leg between his and was rubbing up against him and all the blood had left his brain.
He just clung, like an idiot, to Sawyer’s collar as if he’d been frozen like that. He really should have been stopping Sawyer’s hands from roaming up under his T-shirt, should have been pushing Sawyer away instead of leaning into him. But instead, he just pulled Sawyer closer to him by the collar that was ridiculously clutched in each fist.
Sawyer’s breath was inhumanly hot on Jack’s cheek in the eternity it took for his lips to meet Jack’s. He felt it all over when Sawyer’s tongue slid inside his mouth, a shock that went from his toes to the tips of his hair, but mostly a jolt delivered to his cock, now pressed, hard and aching, against Sawyer’s own hardness.
Sawyer tasted like maple syrup and he probably did too but, fuck if suddenly maple syrup wasn’t the sexiest thing on earth.
Sawyer licked his lips when their mouths parted, like he was trying to tell Jack’s taste apart from the cloying sweetness of the syrup. “Yeah,” he murmured softly in Jack’s ear, his fingers trailing over Jack’s ear in a familiar way that sent a delicious shiver through Jack. “Knew there was somethin’ there, behind all the crap you were throwin’ my way. You were just pullin’ my ponytail, weren’t ya, Doc?”
“Huh?” That was a far too complicated train of thought for Jack, who had at last managed to make his fingers move and was busy tugging each button free on Sawyer’s shirt.
“Damn clothes,” Sawyer laughed. “Why’d I pick today of all days to wear a shirt?”
“Anyone ever tell you ... you talk too much?” Jack had started to reprimand him, but now Sawyer’s tongue was in his ear and his hands were on Jack’s zipper and he didn’t care anymore if Sawyer recited the Gettysburg Address, as long as he didn’t stop touching him.
Still, when Sawyer, after a brief struggle with Jack’s underwear, muttered, “Fuck. Thank God for Y-fronts,” and just eased Jack’s cock out through the slit, he had to admit it wasn’t exactly the kind of dirty talk he’d secretly been hoping for.
But then Sawyer sank to his knees and -- Jack blushed to think it so -- took a second to admire Jack’s cock before wrapping those gorgeous lips around it and Jack’s mind went blank again. He braced his hands against the wall, thrusting without asking, unable to stop from fucking Sawyer’s mouth. He was met with a greedy, low-throated groan that vibrated to his core and Sawyer’s hands gripped his ass, one finger vainly trying to poke through Jack’s much-maligned underwear.
Sawyer -- with a look from under those long lashes that would have made Jack drop his pants on the spot if they weren't already around his ankles -- eased Jack’s cock out of his mouth for one moment and carefully inserted his right index finger instead, slowly swirling it around, until Jack thought he would die if that mouth wasn’t wrapped around his dick in the next five seconds. Sawyer flashed that sly grin that always drove Jack crazy, only now he was driving him crazy with need. At last, Sawyer slipped his saliva-slick finger under the band of Jack’s Hanes, sliding it down the crack of Jack’s ass until he could push up and inside him.
Jack had to focus on just breathing and standing, two things that were increasingly impossible, as Sawyer’s mouth claimed him once again. He was inside Sawyer and Sawyer was inside him and if felt so fucking right that he couldn’t believe it hadn’t happened until now. All this shit... all these crazy stunts... so much tension between them...
“Ahhhh. Fuck!” Jack exclaimed, his legs starting to shake. He was losing all control and the panic of that realization was what brought him, shaking and gasping, over the edge.
It was far too late to be thinking about whether Sayid had been serious about leaving them alone to ponder the gravity of their misdeeds, not when he was sending the loudest, most needy-sounding moan of his life echoing around the tiny room. He came, hot and helpless as Sawyer swallowed him down. He thought he’d never seen anything more beautiful than his come on Sawyer’s luscious lips, until Sawyer’s tongue flicked out to taste the last drop and Jack knew he was a goner.
He sank to his knees, his limbs too loose and liquid to stand. He ran his hands possessively through Sawyer’s hair, wondering why he’d had them pressed against the wall this whole time instead of here, in this silky blonde mass, where they belonged.
“Liked that?” Sawyer murmured, brushing the back of his hand over Jack’s cheek, and Jack could only nod vigorously and worry that he wasn’t playing it cool enough with the goofy grin he could feel stretching his cheeks. He leaned back against the wall, warm from the glow of sex and the anticipation of just how he was going to make Sawyer come.
“You are really overdressed, you know that?” Jack tsked, realizing he’d never gotten farther than unbuttoning Sawyer’s shirt. Sawyer grinned and shrugged it off and then Jack pointed impatiently at his jeans. “Come on, we’ve only got a few hours until they come back, probably.”
”A few hours? Why, Doc, whatever will we do in all that time?” Sawyer batted his eyelashes outrageously as he tugged his boots and jeans off, revealing that today, like all days, he went proudly underwear-free.
“You’ll see,” Jack grinned. “Turn around.”
Sawyer’s eyebrows shot up. “I knew it. I knew that’s why you wanted my backside naked to the world!”
“Now, you know you started the whole assless pants thing,” Jack scolded him. “If you can’t handle the heat...”
”Fine,” Sawyer’s hands went up in defeat. “My ass is yours.”
“Duly noted. Your ass, mine. Now, turn around.” He leaned closer, nuzzling Sawyer’s ear as he whispered. “Want you sitting in my lap right now.”
Sawyer, puzzled but compliant, settled between Jack’s legs. He leaned back against Jack’s chest, eyes closed, as Jack began to run his hands over him, over his hardening nipples, glancing over those powerful arms, and finally, down to his legs. He let out a deep sigh, relaxing into Jack’s touch. Jack took his time, teasing Sawyer with light touches on his thighs, watching Sawyer’s abdomen quicken with each brush of his fingertips, feeling his own cock stir again as Sawyer’s swelled and quivered, eager for Jack to take him in hand.
Sawyer started to sigh impatiently, grinding his ass into Jack’s lap in a non-too-subtle cue for him to get with the program and get him off already. Finally, Jack moved his hand to Sawyer’s cock, feeling a thrill of ownership as it leapt to life just for him.
Sawyer let out a delicious moan of surrender, his head falling back against his shoulder, his hands digging into Jack’s thighs hard enough to bruise. Jack resisted the urge to kiss him, just yet. He wanted to watch each tremor ripple through Sawyer’s body, see the effect he was having on with him with each stroke. Sawyer was panting heavily now, sweat beginning to glisten on his chest and abdomen as Jack’s hand quickened. He waited until Sawyer’s breath reached just the right degree of raggedness before kissing him. Sawyer gasped into his mouth, his whole body shuddering and then stiffening as he shot hot spurts all over Jack’s hand.
“Whew,” he muttered weakly, when he had his voice back. “Don’t think that’s what they meant when they said they wanted us to make peace.”
Jack laughed so hard, his head hit the wall. “Ow!” he muttered, rubbing the sore spot.
Sawyer was laughing along with him, but he suddenly stopped. “Hey, should we make ‘em think we’ve been in here fightin’ this whole time?”’
“Well ...” Jack rubbed at his head with one hand, and his chin with the other. “I’m pretty sure you left bruises on my thighs, if that helps."
“Right. Obvious signs of a fight. Just like that hickey on your neck.” Sawyer grinned and shook his head. “Fuck ‘em. Who cares? Uptight folks who can’t take a joke.”
Jack dissolved into giggles. “I can’t get over ... Sayid, covered in syrup and flour! His eyebrows were pure white! Oh, man! I thought he was going to kill you!”
“Yeah, he might’ve, if you hadn’t tackled him and gotten him off me! You know, you wouldn’t’ve gotten all that sticky shit all over you if you’d left him alone.”
”He was kicking your ass!” Jack protested. “And uh ... I don’t really mind the sticky stuff.” His finger trailed over the cooling mess on Sawyer’s stomach.
Sawyer let out an amused snort. “If that counts as talkin’ dirty for you, then you need some serious coaching, babe.”
But Jack wasn’t really listening. He had finally processed something Sawyer had said earlier and begun to busy himself with Sawyer’s hair.
“Mmmm. That feels nice,” Sawyer said, lazily relaxing into Jack. After a few moments, though, he reached up to see just what Jack was doing with one patch of hair for so long. “What th... is that a braid?”
”Yep,” Jack grinned. “So I can pull your pigtail whenever I want.”
Sawyer shook his head at Jack, laughing despite himself. “You take everything I say that literally?”
”Okay, then. I let you braid my hair if .... IF, you lose the damn girly panties.”
Jack thought for a second. “Deal. Hey, where are you going?” Sawyer had gotten up and was trying the door again, giving Jack a lovely display of that perfect ass of his as he bent over. “It’s locked, remember?”
Sawyer turned to give Jack his most withering glance. “Ain’t a door I can’t pick.”
“You mean this whole time you could have gotten us out of here ... and you just...”
Sawyer grinned, wickedly pleased with himself. “Now don’t tell me you’re complainin’.”
“No,” Jack grumbled. “But you might have said something earlier!”
“You didn’t ask, didja? Now, how ‘bout we go see if there’s some Dharma chocolate syrup in the kitchen. And then, I think a long, soapy shower is in order.”
Jack couldn’t say yes fast enough.