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Man in the Mirror (Jack/Sawyer) PG-13

Title: Man in the Mirror
Pairing: Jack/Sawyer
Rating: sadly, PG-13!
Note: Written for inthekeyofd's day as queen at lostsquee. She asked for Jack and Sawyer and something white. I know I can't possibly top the fic I wrote for you last year so I tried something completely different. I hope it still fits the bill, hon, even if it's on the angsty side.

Sawyer caught Jack staring into the mirror for the third time this week, the same worried frown on his face as he rubbed at the stubble on his jaw. He watched him for a few minutes, but Jack was so absorbed in minutely examining his scraggly beard, he didn’t even notice Sawyer was there until he spoke.

“Yeah, last I checked, rubbin’ ain’t quite as effective as shavin,’” he observed drily, leaning against the wall, arms crossed.

Jack looked up guiltily, but at the sight of Sawyer’s good-natured grin, he had to smile too, ducking his head at being caught. “Well, it’s not like you haven’t noticed.” He leaned closer to the mirror, peering at his own reflection, frown slipping firmly back into place. “Every time I shave, there’s more gray.”

“So you’re gonna stop shavin’ altogether?”

“No,” Jack sighed. “It’s just ... it makes me look old.”

“You are old,” Sawyer said, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Jack’s waist. He laid his head on Jack’s shoulder so that Jack didn’t have to keep turning around to talk to him. “A whole two years older ‘n’ me.”

Jack just nodded, still squinting at the smattering of gray hairs on his cheeks. He leaned forward, starting to smoothe the hair at his temples aside to examine the signs of graying there.

“It looks good on you,” Sawyer said softly, lowering his voice an octave to what Jack called his “sex voice.” “Distinguished.”

”You mean, I’ll look just like my father,” Jack said with a heavy breath, looking down, into the sink.

Sawyer was quiet for a moment, not sure what to say to that. “You’re not him,” he said at last. “Even if you got the man’s hair genes, don’t mean anything.”

”I just don’t want to see him staring back at me whenever I look in the mirror.” Jack sounded slightely petulant, like he knew he was being foolish but couldn’t help it.

“Well, then, dye it,” Sawyer suggested. Jack didn’t respond, so he kept talking. “Hey, I’m surprised all our hair didn’t turn pure white on the island, ya know? Stuff we saw? Stuff we went through?”

Jack’s head dropped lower, the barest of nods.

In his efforts to reassure Jack, Sawyer’s mind had wandered to one particular head of white hair. He’d stopped picturing Jack’s dad, who’d been slim and elegant, with neatly clipped gray hair, even in his drunken downward spiral. Instead, he saw Cooper’s ugly, reddish face mocking him. The man wore his white hair like a wolf wore a sheep’s skin, hiding his sins under the guise of benevolence and age. Sawyer shook his head, trying to shake the image loose. He tried to imagine his own father at that age, wondered if he’d have the same snowy white hair, if it would have made him look respectable, maybe. Or maybe he’d have lost it all, gone as bald as Locke.

“Hey,” Jack’s lips brushed his cheek. “You okay? You went off somewhere.”

“Yeah,” Sawyer smiled, shaking himself free from that pointless train of thought. He ran his hands over Jack’s hair, enjoying the fur-like feel of his buzz cut against his palm. “Not too gray,” he declared. “I like it. Salt ‘n’ pepper suits you. And hey, better ‘n’ goin’ bald, right?”

Jack was finally smiling. “That’s true.”

“I think it’s your ma’s dad you have to look at to see what’s gonna happen with you,” Sawyer said thoughtfully. “So let’s see ... my granddad, he always wore a hat so it was kinda hard to tell. No bald men in the South, just a whole lotta cowboy hats.”

Jack laughed, affectionately messing up Sawyer’s hair. “So when you start wearing a Stetson 24/7, I’ll know you’re going bald?”

“Maybe,” Sawyer grinned at him in the mirror.

“You gonna wear it in the shower?”

“Sure, they’re wash ‘n’ wear, right?”

“And in bed?” A wicked smile lit up Jack’s face, accenting the laugh lines around his eyes.

Definitely in bed. In fact,” he said, leading Jack out of the bathroom and steering him towards their bed, “thought maybe I could model one, see what you think. How’s now for you, Doc?”

”Now’s good. Now’s perfect,” Jack said, stopping Sawyer in the doorway. He pressed him up against the frame and kissed him slowly and thoroughly, getting both them hard and hot.

They stumbled into the room, tripping over each other’s feet in their haste. Jack settled onto the bed while Sawyer rummaged in the closet, emerging triumphantly with a battered black cowboy hat. He lowered it onto his head, tipping it to one side so that only one eye was visible. Jack gave an appreciative wolf whistle, grabbing Sawyer’s belt buckle and pulling him to the bed.

Sawyer adjusted the brim and gave his most seductive smile as Jack started feverishly undoing Sawyer’s belt.

He went to remove the hat, but Jack shook his head. “Leave it on,” he ordered in a low growly tone that made Sawyer shiver in anticipation.

“Yes, sir. I always respect my elders,” he added with a chuckle as he straddled him, knowing that that crack was going to set Jack off.

“Oh, you’re gonna get it,” Jack threatened with a wolfish grin as he eased his T-shirt off over his head, using it to swat at Sawyer's ass.

Sawyer started a slow grind on top of Jack, crying "Woo!" He had a firm grasp on Jack's belt with one hand, waving the other in the air like he was riding his own personal mechanical bull.

“Yee-haw!” Jack laughed approvingly, sitting halfway up to kiss him, nearly unseating Sawyer in the process. He just grinned, gripping Jack harder with his thighs and pushed the hat on more firmly, because there was no way in hell it was staying on with Jack moving like that underneath him.

Getting old with Jack was going to be one helluva workout, Sawyer thought. He wouldn't have it any other way.


( 32 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 31st, 2007 12:27 am (UTC)
Do you have any idea of how much I love you?? ANY IDEA!

First you totally took the "white" and put a spin on it that I LOVE, then you mentioned the salt & pepper, then you went to the Jack angst..which, no one can find a reason for angst like Jack can..and Sawyer trying to reassure him, HOW FREAKIN' AWESOME IS HE.

Then came the riding him like a buckin' bronco, hat and everything!!!

I'm toast, complete and utter TOAST.

OH never fear dear one, this is right up there with last years, believe me.

You touched on all the things I love the most about the guys, how can I not love this.

The Queen is a very very happy monarch, she is!!

Jul. 31st, 2007 04:00 am (UTC)
Aww, yay, I'm so glad you like this one! I wanted to do another porny, white shirt fic but I also thought I should do something different! ;) I was lying in bed last night, thinking, "white, white, white..." and then I thought of Christian and then the whole fic came to me, including the cowboy hat!

I hope between all your subjects, you got what you wanted during your day as Queen!

Jul. 31st, 2007 12:38 am (UTC)
I love the depth of this, the way that Jack doesn't exactly fear getting older, but fear becoming Christian. And I love that Jack's angst over his gray hair makes both of them start thinking about these men that have defined their lives for so long, and how they don't want to be like them, or in Sawyer's case, think about them at all.

This is a really fantastic fic, sweetheart. ♥ Great job.
Jul. 31st, 2007 04:02 am (UTC)
Oh thank you, hon! I seem to be writing such schizophrenic fic lately, with crazy mood swings, but I love that you zeroed in on that part of it because that's really the germ of the whole idea. Thank you for the lovely fb! :)
Jul. 31st, 2007 02:02 am (UTC)
This was fun. I love the last line, and it sums it up so perfectly.
Jul. 31st, 2007 04:04 am (UTC)
Thank you! Writing fic with wild U-turns seems to be my speciality during the luau, but I'm glad you liked! I really like the idea of them growing old together and not being too haunted by their respective ghosts. Can you just picture them 20 or 30 years down the road, still snarking at each other?
Jul. 31st, 2007 02:45 am (UTC)
The part about Jack fearing that he'll be like his father -- that's very true to him. And I love the last part. Wonderful fic!
Jul. 31st, 2007 04:05 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! :) Just about any time I can throw a Christian ref into a fic, I'm a happy girl!
Jul. 31st, 2007 02:49 am (UTC)
This makes me one happy, happy girl ;) Absolutely adorable. I love how you were able to let them have a deep conversation while still keeping the mood light and ending on such a sexy note, MMM <3 So yeah, this is SO going in the memories!
Jul. 31st, 2007 04:05 am (UTC)
Aww, memories? Thank you, hon! I'm flattered! :)
Jul. 31st, 2007 05:30 am (UTC)

and yay!

that was awesome.
Jul. 31st, 2007 05:39 am (UTC)
Why, thank you! ^__^
Jul. 31st, 2007 06:26 am (UTC)
Oh, there's so much here, but mostly I'm kind of a puddle and completely reduced to awing over the sweetness and fanning myself over the hotness. So very, very nice.
Jul. 31st, 2007 06:39 am (UTC)
Aww, thank you! It was kind of all over the map (my luau m.o.!) but I'm glad you liked! :)
(no subject) - halfdutch - Jul. 31st, 2007 06:40 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 31st, 2007 08:29 am (UTC)
I love that their bantering, so sexy and light, at the same time contains a lot more meanings: love, and fear, and comfort.
and then, plot twist! and cowboy-sex! yippie!
Aug. 1st, 2007 10:36 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you! And yes, plot twist, hee! I seem to be doing a lot of those lately! Glad you liked this. :)
Jul. 31st, 2007 12:23 pm (UTC)
SO first let me just say that the line about no bald men in the South just about tickled me pink, and hopefull (its a little too early to tell, but probably) made my day.

You are fabulous. THIS is fabulous. Never change. ;)
Aug. 1st, 2007 10:36 pm (UTC)
Awww, yay! And this comment made mine! :)
Jul. 31st, 2007 02:40 pm (UTC)
OMG, he's riding him like a cowboy! afdkljoijifd!

okay, that was awesome, but totally distracted me from the subtler parts of this, like jack worrying about turning into christian and sawyer wondering what his dad would look like now. *pets poor damaged boys* but then you introduced the cowboy stuff and that was 8 kinds of awesome!

great use of the prompt!
Aug. 1st, 2007 10:38 pm (UTC)
Hee, I did segue from deep thoughts to something a bit more shallow rather rapidly, eh? But I'm glad you liked both aspects of it! And I'm glad you liked my use of the prompt. I was hard-pressed to come up with something new. (Although white shirts and sheets can't ever get old, right? ;D)
Jul. 31st, 2007 02:57 pm (UTC)
Okay, you win at life. How can you write something this melancholy and insightful and then turn it into something this fun and hot and never miss a beat? How?

I love how Jack's hair going gray makes him think of turning into his father, because that rings so true. We all know that Jack's greatest fears in life are failing his father and turning into his father, so this worked really well, how much it worried him. And I love Sawyer's issues too, how white hair makes him think of Sawyer, and how he'll never know what happened to his own father's hair as he got older. There's so much behind all of that. It's really deep, and yet you don't drown us in it.

But I love how Sawyer uses his flirting to pull Jack out of his thoughts, and how Jack folds to it so easily. And the whole cowboy hat thing. Okay, that is just so hot. And Sawyer riding Jack like he's a mechanical bull. That's just insanely hot. And the thing that really makes it is that they're both so into it, they're both playing the game, and neither is laughing at how silly the other one is being because they're both being silly.

Awesome little piece. Love it :)
Aug. 1st, 2007 10:41 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you so much, hon! I'm so flattered you liked it this much (and didn't mind the sudden segue!) I guess I like them both angsty and silly! I am fascinated with how their fathers and father figures impacted their lives and I always love the idea that their being together can help alleviate some of the damage. At least they have each other! And hot cowboy sex always helps, yes? :)
Jul. 31st, 2007 06:31 pm (UTC)
This is a wonderfully inspiring choice for the prompt! However, I have to complain at all the cowboy innuendo jokes I now have running through my head at the moment ;)
Aug. 1st, 2007 10:42 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you! :) And hee, sorry for inflicting cowboy innuendo on you!
(no subject) - siluria - Aug. 2nd, 2007 03:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 31st, 2007 09:19 pm (UTC)
Aw. Angsty, but that last line was just too adorable. It made me go all warm and smiley, so thank you!
Aug. 1st, 2007 10:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Happy to hear hit all those buttons for you! ^__^
Aug. 6th, 2007 02:36 am (UTC)
Something about Jack wolf-whistling at Sawyer does funny things to my insides. :) And I adore seeing them play together, so happy and SO sexy. Can I just mention the old adage to Jack, that men don't get "old," they just get more distinguished. Not fair! But Jack's little bits of gray ARE sexy. I can just see him worrying about looking like his dad, though. Yay for Sawyer, for finding the perfect way to distract him. :D
Aug. 6th, 2007 03:17 am (UTC)
Thank you! Another half-angsty, half-not fic, LOL. But of course they have each other to see them through the demons from the past and the perils of getting older! And Sawyer rocking a cowboy hat could only be extremely sexy. Maybe we'll get him wearing on in a flashback one day? :)
Aug. 6th, 2007 04:22 pm (UTC)
LOL! that was so awesome. I love that they play together like that. big kids, really!

and like everyone else I was touched by jack's fear of turning into christian, but even more by Sawyer, thinking of Cooper and his dad :( *sigh*

amazing fic! ♥
Aug. 15th, 2007 11:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, thanks, hon! :) And aww, happy to hear that it touched you. I love our angsty boys. Thank goodness they have each other, eh? :)
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )


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