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Scar Tissue (Sawyer/Sayid) R

Title: Scar Tissue
Pairing: Sawyer/Sayid
Rating: R
Summary: Scars are memories
Note: For zelda_zee who asked for Sawyer and Sayid. You could say this has a happy ending as well. :) Mild spoilers up through "The Brig."



Their scars from the island have long since healed.

They sit naked on the bed, Sawyer’s arms around Sayid, his head resting on Sayid’s shoulder as his fingers play over the scar that brought them together, the line where the bullet tore through Sayid’s arm.

The skin is lighter there, a stark contrast to the dark cocoa color of the rest of Sayid’s body. The skin is also slightly more sensitive, just as it is on Sawyer’s own shoulder, a puckering of the flesh the only sign of the fever that nearly killed him. Sayid’s wound was never life-threatening, but Sawyer bears another scar that was nearly the death of him, the one Sayid gave him. Neither of them say anything when Sayid brushes his fingers over the place on Sawyer’s upper right arm where his knife went in, so many years ago now, but Sawyer shivers, as if remembering.

Jack was the one who stitched Sawyer up that day. He was the one who nursed Sawyer through the fever that followed the gunshot wound. Sayid had no part in saving Sawyer those times, but he had never expected to turn to Sawyer, instead of Jack, to consider him his ally when Jack brought the enemy into their camp.

Sayid hadn’t gone to Jack when his wound started to trouble him, but to Sawyer. The Russian had already sewn up the injury he'd caused, but it needed cleaning and dressing and Sawyer was the most likely to have hydrogen peroxide.

He found Sawyer alone in his tent, bent over his bare feet. He frowned when Sayid entered and tried to hide the sorry state of the soles of his feet, but Sayid had already seen how battered and bleeding they were.

“’s what I get for goin’ on a hike barefoot, like an idiot” Sawyer muttered with a wry laugh.

Sayid did not press him for an explanation. Anyone could tell something had been off about Sawyer these last few days, that he was even more moody and distant than usual. It was none of Sayid’s business, of course. He’d assumed it was Jack’s strange behavior, which was preying on his own mind.

Sawyer did not demand anything in return for the hydrogen peroxide, just distractedly handed it over. It wasn’t until Sayid softly swore as he tried to change the dressing himself that Sawyer seemed to notice he was still there. He gruffly took the bandage from Sayid and saw to it himself, surprisingly as sure and deft as Jack. Sayid nodded in approval when he was done.

“Perhaps I can help with your feet,” he offered. “You must be in a great deal of pain.”

Sawyer shrugged, reaching for a half-empty bottle next to him. “Best painkiller I know,” he pronounced, downing a good portion of what was left of the whiskey

Sayid still isn’t sure exactly how it happened, how a light touch on Sawyer’s arm turned into a kiss, the alcohol from Sawyer’s mouth burning Sayid’s lips, the rush surely responsible for his boldly reaching for Sawyer’s zipper.

He wanted more, wanted to taste all of Sawyer and Sawyer offered no resistance when Sayid pulled down his jeans. Sawyer’s mouth was parted, his eyes bright with excitement as he laid back.

Sayid had made him bleed and now he was going to make him come. Sawyer tasted like salt and sweat and he bucked and moaned when he came, spurting hot and wet into Sayid’s mouth, his hands tangled deep in Sayid’s hair.

Sayid stayed with hiim as he dropped off to sleep. He watched his handsome face slack in sleep, watched Sawyer’s body twitch as a bad dream fell over him. Sayid kept watch over him that night and every night since.

He still didn’t know what was in Sawyer’s nightmares, didn’t know the story behind his bruised and bleeding feet. They had healed, leaving no trace of any trauma. He could have pushed Sawyer for answers if he'd wanted; not all of his skills as an interrogator were brutal ones, but Sayid understands that maybe he can love Sawyer best by letting his past be.

The scars on their flesh are white but they still hide their darkest scars from each other.

When he looks in Sawyer’s eyes, he sees something he never thought he’d see there, not just desire, but trust. Forgiveness. That is what he thinks of when he touches the scars on Sawyer’s body. What Sawyer thinks of, he does not ask.

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
zelda_zee
Aug. 16th, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC)
Well, I thought I'd commented on this last night - sorry for the delay. I really love this so much. Thank you!

I can totally see Sayid not going to Jack at the point where you have this begin. Jack had forfeited Sayid's trust at that point and I can easily believe he'd have turned to Sawyer instead.

These two really are scarred, inside and out. I like how they trust each other, and yet they still keep their secrets.

That last paragraph is lovely. I love Sayid getting forgiveness from Sawyer - it just makes me melt.
halfdutch
Aug. 16th, 2007 11:44 pm (UTC)
Yay! I'm so glad you liked this, hon! :) This is the bunny I got when you mentioned you liked hurt/comfort. It wasn't really working to set it in canon, but then I hit on the idea of flashing forward and that seemed to help!

I really liked the idea of them being comfortable enough with each other to let sleeping dogs lie, since they both have so many terrible things in their past. And they both deserve forgiveness, don't they? Sayid doesn't seem to need it, but of course we know he really does. So glad you approve!
slybrunette
Aug. 16th, 2007 08:31 pm (UTC)
This is great. It's totally plausible that Sayid would go to Sawyer, not Jack, after he's gone and brought the enemy into camp. They were all very distrustful of him at that point, and you really used that to your advantage. I also love the use of scars here as a plot device of sorts. Wonderful fic!
halfdutch
Aug. 16th, 2007 11:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you! That was the point in canon that really jumpstarted Sawyer/Sayid for me again, with both of them not trusting Jack. And only Sayid seemed to notice that something had happened to Sawyer. I'm glad you liked the scar motif. It's definitely something they both have in common! :)
(Deleted comment)
halfdutch
Aug. 18th, 2007 02:04 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you! I'm so pleased this hit this kind of note with you. :) I'm still quite nervous writing them as a couple but I do like the idea that this is how they can relate to each other, each respecting the other's secrets. And I always love a hurt/comfort scenario, of which Lost gives us so very many! Thanks for this wonderful fb! :)
bachlava
Aug. 17th, 2007 11:58 pm (UTC)
Superb work! Sawyer/Sayid is a pairing that's very hard for me to buy in most circumstances, but I can really see it working as a way of mutually dancing around things that are hard to acknowledge. (To put it mildly.) In particular, it's difficult for me to get around the harm they've done each other, but you've managed it brilliantly here.

not all of his skills as an interrogator were brutal ones, but Sayid understands that maybe he can love Sawyer best by letting his past be.


So true! Lovely.
halfdutch
Aug. 18th, 2007 02:07 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you! *beams*

I have only written this pairing a few times, and only this season! I read them avidly during S1, but then it all seemed to be about S&M, for the most part, just exploring the world of kink and revenge, which has limited appeal for me. I'm not sure how often their various scars have been addressed in fic but it seemed like the entry point here, with Sayid now having a similar scar to Sawyer's own, and what those different scars mean to each of them.

Anyway, I'm so very pleased that this dynamic works for you. It took me the longest time to figure out a way to get them together because Sayid seems rather formidable at times and not the least bit easy! (Unlike Sawyer!) But it gets a little easier each time. Thanks so much for reading this!
ellel
Aug. 18th, 2007 12:08 pm (UTC)
I am loving this fic!
S3 killed my J/S,but gave me the old OTP-S/S.I never imagined them "getting together" without sparks and fights and lots of sex and macho bullshit-but this approach,the quiet and support and trust is beautiful.

:)
halfdutch
Aug. 18th, 2007 03:12 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you! I hear you on losing interest in J/S -- somehow they redeemed Jack for me by the end but it was really tough there for several episodes! And yes, S/Sd got a huge shot in the arm! It's wonderful to hear that you like this dynamic for them. I always love some hurt/comfort myself. Thanks for reading!
haldoor
Aug. 21st, 2007 05:06 am (UTC)
oooh, I'm so behind... but that was shiveringly good, love! Just wonderful. I really love the comparison of the physical to the mental, and how Sayid doesn't ask questions. *hugs*
halfdutch
Aug. 21st, 2007 06:38 am (UTC)
Thanks so much, hon! That makes me very happy, that you liked it. I know we're all playing catch up but I really appreciate your taking the time to read and comment. *loves*
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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