Spoilers: Set mid season 4
Note: Fic! Finally! And it's S4 J/S. I just had to find a way to get them together at last. Thank you to zelda_zee for the beta. And look, it fits the fanfic100 prompt "Middles."
You meet him like this, in the wild, like it was the first time. Neither of you says a word, you just reach for him and there he is. He tastes like toothpaste and cheap wine and you don't mind, as long as he's here for you to actually touch. Your fingers dig into his arms, hard, like that's the only thing keeping him here when you know it's not.
You've both long since lost count how many times you've come together, how many times you've fucked out here, in the jungle, in the dead of night, where no one else can hear you.
But this time you've been counting the days since you last saw him, since he walked right out of your life. You’ve counted the hours since you felt his mouth on your ear, whispering all the sinful things he's going to do to you. The way his voice rasps, low in his throat, is deeper than you remembered. It makes your mouth fall open and that's before his hands slide under the waistband of your jeans, down to cup your bare ass.
It feels like years and yet like yesterday. He knows your body so well, knows just how to get you hard. He knows a million ways to make you come and you wait, anxious for him to make good on his whispered promises. He drops to his knees, working your jeans down. When he looks up at you, his eyes bright under dark lashes, you wonder how you're going to let him walk away tonight, how you ever let him walk away.
And then he takes you in his mouth and there's nothing but the sweet sensation of his tongue and the firm touch of his hands and, like that, you're his again. As if there was ever any doubt.
You never used to make any noise during sex, not until Sawyer. Now you come with a shout, a rough cry of release that echoes through the trees. He smiles up at you, that lazy, crooked smile of satisfaction that makes you drop to your knees and take his head in your hands. If he keeps looking at you like that, you're going to go back there with him, you're going to give up everything and stay here on this fucking island. So you kiss him, hard, as if you can convince him with your mouth, your tongue, your whole body, to come with you.
Breathless, you lean your head on his shoulder. You sway together, sore knees protesting, demanding a new position. He cups your ass, wordlessly saying, "Stay."
You're not going to say it. It's all been said already. He wants to stay here, play house, pretend. One way or another, Sawyer is set on dying on this goddamn island. He tries to make you feel like some kind of coward for wanting to leave. You've called him as much for staying. You can still see the hurt in Sawyer's eyes at the word.
You know Sawyer will stay, while you will go. No matter how many times you meet halfway between the village and the beach, here, in this no man's land, nothing can change that, and you think you know why.
Back in the real world, this thing between you won't exist. You'll go your separate ways, or, at least, that's what you guess Sawyer has decided. That the second you get back, you'll wake up and realize you've been fucking a worthless liar and a criminal and now you can do so much better.
Sawyer won't let himself get left behind again. Which is why he's going to leave you, by staying here.
You draw back a little, enough to meet his gaze. But he's looking down at the ground. You rest your forehead against his. If he only knew... if you could only tell him...
There is a moment when you decide you're going to say it, you're going to lay it all out for him, how you want him in your life, always, here, there anywhere, it doesn't fucking matter.
But then he's pushing you back onto the ground and his body is so sweetly heavy on top of yours.
What you were going to say is lost in his kiss.