Summary: Sawyer tries to make things right with Jack
Sawyer had had more to drink than he realized because he kept stumbling as he tried to run up the beach. He didn’t even know where he was going, or where Jack had gone.
He stopped, trying to get his bearings even as his head spun from the drink. And then he heard someone crying. The grief was so naked, the sound so unbearably sad, that Sawyer’s first instinct was to leave him alone.
But he couldn’t do that. He walked softly toward the sound of Jack’s sobs. He found him bent over, bottle in hand, his head between his knees.
Sawyer crouched down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Jack jumped up, lashing out with the bottle. It connected with Sawyer’s head and then things got kind of blurry.
When Sawyer was aware of anything next, Jack was bending over him. His hands were on Sawyer's temple, but when he saw he was all right, he quickly removed them. He’d stopped crying but his face was still so grief-stricken that Sawyer’s chest hurt to see it.
”Why can’t you leave me alone?” Jack demanded, his voice raw. “Haven’t you hurt me enough for one night?”
”I don’t want to hurt you.” Sawyer was never less sure of what he wanted to say in his life. “I didn’t tell you everything,” he continued, despite Jack’s stony expression. “He said he was sorry. He told me about you.”
“Why should I believe that?” Jack sat down heavily on the sand, staring away from him.
“He told me ...” Sawyer tried to remember it, but his head seemed so fuzzy. “He thought you’d be mad at him, but he wasn’t mad. He said he was grateful for what you’d done for him.”
Sawyer heard an intake of breath, but there was no response, so he kept going. “He said he was proud of you. He said he wanted to call and tell you, but he was weak.”
He crawled over to Jack, putting his hands on his shoulders. “He said he loved you.” His own voice was soft as he spoke for the dead man.
Jack stared at him, his face crumpling at Sawyer’s words. “He loved you,” Sawyer whispered again, feeling his throat tighten and a hot wetness in his own eyes. “He loved you,” he said again, and he was kissing Jack’s cheek and his lips and his neck while Jack just sat there.
Sawyer tasted the tears on Jack’s face as if by doing so he could swallow all his sorrow. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, he thought and he didn’t know if he said it out loud.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jack choked out finally, putting his arms around Sawyer and holding him fiercely.
Sawyer didn’t know if Jack meant him or his father -- but maybe it didn’t matter. His throat was too tight to answer for either of them.
Jack choked back a sob and then his mouth met Sawyer’s and they rolled over onto the sand together, a tangle of arms and legs and tongue and hands.
“Make me feel something...” Jack said when he stopped for breath and Sawyer sank his teeth into Jack’s neck. Jack breathed in with a gasp and then he pushed Sawyer away. “What’s your name?” he asked suddenly, as if both their lives depended on the answer. “What’s your first name?”
Sawyer froze. And then he ignored that panicky feeling in his chest and just said it. Flat out. Like it was no big deal. “James.”
“James.” Jack turned the name over and seemed to decide he liked it. “Make me feel something James, make me forget.” He took his face in his hands, and Sawyer tried to remember the last time someone had spoken his name like that.
Jack started to peel off his shirt and Sawyer helped him off with it. He ran his hands over Jack’s chest, savoring the chance to touch him for a change. Jack pulled him closer, too impatient to get on with it. They both fumbled to get each other’s jeans off, the alcohol making things like zippers and buttons surprisingly difficult to undo.
At last they were both free of their clothes, hands gliding over muscle, feeding off the heat of each other’s body.
Jack hooked his leg around Sawyer’s hip and pulled him down on top of him.
“Fuck me, Sa---. James.”
Sawyer hesitated. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Jack’s reply was a short burst of laughter. “You won’t,” he said. He spit in his hand and reached for Sawyer’s cock, rubbing the moisture over the tip with his thumb. After about a second, Sawyer would have done anything he asked.
He wet a finger and rubbed it over Jack’s ass, listening to his breathing to determine when to ease it inside. Jack sucked in his breath and tightened against the intrusion, starting to moan when Sawyer slid the finger in and out.
Jack was already hard and Sawyer took his dick in his other hand, moving down Jack’s body so he could take him into his mouth. Jack groaned and thrust up against Sawyer’s tongue, but not for long.
He took Sawyer’s head in his hands, forcing his chin up. “Now. I want you now.”
Sawyer nodded, spurred on by that look of pure need on Jack’s face. He had to make Jack feel so good, he’d forget about everything else ...
He braced himself on his right arm, studying Jack’s face as he pressed his cock against Jack’s ass. They were both breathless, eyes locked. Jack grabbed a handful of Sawyer’s hair and pulled him in for a mad meeting of tongues and teeth.
Sawyer drew back, his mouth open and hovering over Jack’s before plunging into him. He gasped at how fucking good he felt to be inside Jack. He was afraid to come too fast, and afraid to hurt him, so he went slow. “OK?” he grunted and Jack nodded, but his face was pained.
“Relax,” Sawyer whispered in his ear and Jack flashed a grin, although his teeth were still clenched. Sawyer’s hand circled Jack’s dick, stroking him more as a distraction. “Relax,” Sawyer said again, and at last he felt the tension easing out of Jack.
He pushed in deeper, gasping at the sensation but still watching to see that Jack was OK. Jack bucked his hips up, starting to thrust against him and Sawyer didn’t hold back anymore.
He slammed into him, urged on by Jack’s moans. Jack grabbed his ass, forcing him deeper. Jack’s breathing was getting ragged and Sawyer stroked his cock, faster and faster. “Come on, Jack,” he said urgently. “Come on.”
Jack came with a shudder and a loud groan, his hands clasping desperately at Sawyer’s ass and lower back. Sawyer felt the orgasm with him, felt it shoot through his cock and into his own as Jack’s body convulsed under him. He didn’t know where Jack left off and he started, he just knew how fucking amazing it felt to make Jack feel so good.
Sawyer collapsed onto the sand next to Jack, hands playing idly over his chest as they both gasped for breath. Jack stared into his eyes and Sawyer shivered, but the impulse to run away was gone. He wanted to stay right there, by Jack’s side.
“No more secrets,” Jack said at last and Sawyer nodded seriously, even as he felt that old fear clutching at him. Jack saw his panic and put his hand to his face.
“Maybe I can’t ask that,” he said, and Sawyer saw him swallow hard.
“Jack ... you don’t want to know everything about me,” Sawyer said at last.
Jack’s expression was somewhere between a smile and a frown, but he didn’t press him.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Sawyer said again, not sure why it was so important to say that. He wondered suddenly if Jack wanted him because he did expect to get hurt, and the thought made him unbearably sad. He stroked Jack’s face, promising him with his touch what he couldn’t say. Jack closed his eyes and Sawyer kissed him, letting his mouth speak for him, letting himself pretend everything would be just like this from now on.
With Jack’s arms around him, it was easy to believe.