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The Sound of Goodbye: Kate/Sawyer/Jack fic

Title: The Sound of Goodbye
Summary: Jack/Kate/Sawyer OT3 on the eve before the raft sails
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Born to Run
Note: A Skate fic request for missdarksoul, with a touch of Jack. Maybe not quite what you had in mind, babe. But don’t worry, more smutty fun on the way soon, I promise.
P.S.: foxxcub has just written the definitive Sawyer-Kate beautifully angsty goodbye sex fic Into Morning. And for the definitive heartbreakingly gorgeous Jack/Sawyer goodbye sex fic, I give you All That You Can't Leave Behind by uberaeryn.

“There ain't anything on this island worth staying for.” Kate can’t get Sawyer’s words out of her mind. That hurt, disappointed look on his face was even worse. Whatever they’d had -- some kind of mutual understanding or connection -- was gone forever.

And tomorrow, he will be too.

After today, the island will be even more unbearable without him. He’s been the only person with whom she didn’t have to pretend. Or not as much, anyway.

Now she’s the island outcast and he’s Mr. Popular, grandly divvying up his prize possessions like he’s moving on to better things.

Something about seeing all the stuff he’s so carefully guarded sitting out in the sun in little piles made her realize he is really leaving. All day long, the other castaways had trooped over singly or in bunches to have a chat and leave with an alarm clock or a pair of sunglasses or bottle of lotion.

She'd watched from a distance, where they can’t see her.

It should be her on that boat. Not Sawyer. He’s better suited to stay here. She‘s going to die if she stays.

And he’ll die if he leaves.

He won’t give up his spot on the boat, anymore than Jack will come to her defense and tell everyone she hadn’t poisoned Michael. It doesn’t matter anyway. She’d lied to all of them. Or at least she’d let them think she was -- what? Nice. Kind. Generous. It was such a nice lie. For a while.

He lays on his back staring up at the half moon, shivering in the night air but not wanting to move. He tries to picture Sawyer gone and Kate still here. Once he would have welcomed that scenario. Now, he wishes she were leaving and that he were staying. Sawyer has his faults, but he’s reluctantly proven he’s part of the group. Kate, on the other hand ... she'd lied from the beginning. About everything. That’s what it hurts least to believe.

Maybe if he asks Sawyer to give up his spot for her, he will. He doesn’t know how the argument would go, exactly, just that he has to try. He doesn’t even want to admit to himself why he wants Sawyer to stay.

He’ll go in a little bit, he tells himself, as he watches the moon move across the sky.
She walks to his tent without any kind of plan. She just can’t let him go like this, hating her so much. By rights, she should be mad at him, but her heart aches too much and she’s too tired to hold out for his apology.

What if she asks him to stay with her, to give up the spot to someone else entirely? It’s a mad idea, but one that takes hold as she walks. It’s the only way to prove she cares about him and not about getting off the island.

She need an ally, and she wants him.

He’s awake and smoking when she enters his tent. He looks up in surprise, but he doesn’t say anything at first.

“No reason to keep savin’ these,” he says at last, gesturing with the now nearly gone cigarette.

She tries to smile, not sure if she succeeds. “So, you’re really going,” she says hovering uncertainly.

“Thought we settled that.“ His expression is hard and cold. “No way you’re gettin’ on that boat instead of me.”

“I know,” she says, holding her chin up. “I don’t want your spot. I... I just don’t want you to go.”

“How’s that?” he asks her, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“You don’t know the first thing about boats. It’s going to be rough out there. Sawyer ... you might not make it. Let someone else go.”

He gives her a hard look, trying to guess what she’s up to. “Aw, I’m touched you care,” he drawls sarcastically. “It makes me feel all warm inside.”

She sits down next to him and for a second she thinks he’s going to push her away. But he doesn’t.

“So what’s your fun little game this time? Drug me like you did the doc? Poison me?”

“I know you have every reason not to trust me,” she says in a low voice, “ but I didn’t poison anyone. And I was trying to help Jack.”

“Whatever,” he says, his jaw tightening up. “If you’re done with this touching goodbye, I gotta get some shuteye. I got a big day tomorrow.” He takes a final drag on his cigarette and stubs it out in the sand.

He stands up and takes her by the arm as if to drag her outside. But instead she presses up against him and the feel of her body stops him.

They stand like that for a few seconds, staring at each other. And then she leans up and kisses him. Words are no good for what she wants to say.

He stands stock still, resisting her kiss, but then she hears the breath catch in his throat. His arm goes around her and he pulls her in roughly, kissing her hard, with two months’ worth of pent-up frustration.

He scoops her up in his arms as if she weighs nothing, and then he throws her down, not bothering to take off her shirt, or his. He yanks her jeans down impatiently, and both of their hands undo the buttons of his fly, working frantically before they realize they don’t have time for this.

He kicks off his jeans and his fingers dart inside her, just enough to make sure she’s wet, before thrusting into her.

She arches her back, gritting her teeth. He’s not gentle. It almost seems like he wants to hurt her, to grind her into the sand beneath him.

Both of them are breathless by now, panting into each other’s mouths, but no longer kissing. She reaches up, but he’s out of reach, bracing himself on his arms. With each thrust, he’s pushing her farther and farther away.

She closes her eyes, so he won’t see the hurt there. Now she just wants it to be over so she can leave and then she’ll never have to see him again. Because he’s already gone.

She can tell by his ragged breathing he’s getting close, so she speeds him along, her body clenching around him, as if she can deny ever letting him in.

And then he lowers himself to meet her, bending his rigid arms to take her in them. He rolls so they’re lying side by side, staring into each other’s eyes and she can barely breathe.

He puts his hand to her hair, pushing a stray lock out of her eyes as she holds her breath, and then he kisses her, his eyes closed as he thrusts his tongue into her mouth.

She can’t help the moan that escapes as he moves inside her at this new angle, every inch of him pressed up against her. She wishes now they were skin to skin, and she impatiently wiggles out of her blouse and bra, and then eases off his sweat-soaked T-shirt.

He’s still staring into her eyes, his eyelids fluttering shut as their bare torsos slide together. He pulls her in closer, and she wraps her leg over his hip, trying to get him deeper. Now there’s no thought of speeding things up. She wants to take all the time in the world, all the time they have left, if it means staying like this with him.

He starts to move faster again, and she moves with him, gasping at the feel of him, so tight and close and deep.

He starts to shake in her arms and her traitorous tears come now, with him, as he gasps her name and then crushes her against his chest.

His heart is pounding so hard she thinks it’s going to deafen her. It should be getting quieter by now, but then she realizes what she’s hearing is the surf. As his heart slows, the ocean is getting louder and louder, like it’s already trying to take him away from her.

Jack hesitates outside Sawyer’s tent. He’s waited too long. It’s ridiculously late and they’re getting an early start in the morning. Sawyer has to be asleep by now.

He turns to go, and then he hears a noise -- and he realizes Sawyer isn’t alone.

A woman is moaning inside. He freezes. It has to be Kate. Jack knows he should leave, but he can’t. He just stands there, listening to her gasps and Sawyer’s, low, guttural groans.

He feels much too hot, suddenly. Little prickles run up and down his skin. He pictures their naked bodies tangled together, and he desperately wishes he were in there with them.

His mouth is dry as he listens to what must be Sawyer coming. It’s a low moan that has his dick as hard as if it were him in there with her.

Now things are quiet and he stands there awkwardly. There’s no question anymore of trying to talk Sawyer into staying. Except maybe this is Kate’s way of convincing him to give her his spot, and Jack’s blood surges at the thought.


Sawyer sits up suddenly and she misses his warmth already. He reaches for his jeans and yanks them on, without a glance at her.

She reaches for her own clothes, afraid to meet his eyes. “Sawyer,” she says quietly, putting a hand on his arm.

He doesn’t turn around for several agonizing seconds. And when he does, his face is a mask. She barely recognizes him. “Get out,” he tells her, his voice dead and emotionless.

She nods, too shocked to speak, just numbly puts her clothes back on. She’s taking too long for him, so he grabs her roughly by the arm.

“Get the fuck out!” he snarls in someone else’s voice and shoves her outside.


Jack starts to trudge back to the caves when Kate comes stumbling out, her hand to her head. She’s running blindly. She doesn’t see him as she runs past, just heads straight for the surf.

He hears something breaking in Sawyer’s tent -- it sounds like glass -- and he wants to make sure he’s OK, but he’s torn. Kate is still running. She’s pushing hard against the waves, struggling to get farther out, as the waves push her back to shore.

He hesitates for just a second before running after her. She’s standing chest-high in the surf, screaming, just screaming her lungs out.

He catches her around the waist, and she spins to face him. Tears streak her cheeks and her face crumples up.

“Did he... hurt you?” Jack asks, feeling stupid for asking and even more foolish for admitting he’d heard them.

She shakes her head furiously. “No,” she sobs. “He’s ... he’s leaving.”

Jack looks back at Sawyer’s tent, but there’s no sign of him.

Kate pounds at Jack’s chest, raging and crying, and he doesn’t try to stop her.

He wants to let her go, but he’s afraid of what she’ll do. When her tears finally stop, she lets him coax her back to shore.

He walks her back to her tent and stays with her, not asking if he should or not.

Eventually, she falls asleep, her head in his lap. He sits with her until the sun rises. He looks out, his eyes on Sawyer’s tent, knowing it’s too late. Now, it’s really too late.


( 38 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 18th, 2005 02:27 am (UTC)
Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

I love how the title fits in it's own little way.
May. 18th, 2005 02:41 am (UTC)
Thank you! I hope I satisifed you and your icon. ;-)

(And as usual, I turned to my iTunes for title inspiration. That song's actually off a techno mix! Heh.)
May. 18th, 2005 02:31 am (UTC)
Aw, why the sad summary? You give away the angst ;)

I love sharing the lovely Skate saddepressing!sex so very, very much.

May. 18th, 2005 02:37 am (UTC)
(no subject) - halfdutch - May. 18th, 2005 02:42 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - May. 18th, 2005 02:39 am (UTC) - Expand
May. 18th, 2005 03:07 am (UTC)
Wow I feel specail. *tackles* hehe loved it, loved it. love the agnst and all and i suck at reviews!
May. 18th, 2005 03:34 am (UTC)
Yay! I'm sooo glad you like it and that it wasn't too much angst for you! ;-)
(no subject) - missdarksoul - May. 18th, 2005 04:50 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - May. 18th, 2005 05:56 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - missdarksoul - May. 18th, 2005 06:20 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
May. 18th, 2005 04:48 am (UTC)
Absolutely! Sawyer, don't gooooooo!

(loves your icon)
May. 18th, 2005 05:17 am (UTC)
Owwwww my heart waaah waah wahhhh *cries hard* *no, really, really hard because SAWYER IS ACTUALLY LEAVING OMG* OW

I will let these lines speak for me since I simply cannot form words!

She reaches up, but he’s out of reach, bracing himself on his arms. With each thrust, he’s pushing her farther and farther away.

As his heart slows, the ocean is getting louder and louder, like it’s already trying to take him away from her.

“Get the fuck out!” he snarls in someone else’s voice and shoves her outside.

Now, it’s really too late.

IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME, TOO. *slits wrists*
May. 18th, 2005 05:18 am (UTC)
No, not really, but *WAIL*
(no subject) - halfdutch - May. 18th, 2005 05:52 am (UTC) - Expand
May. 18th, 2005 05:59 am (UTC)
I really liked this. The little bits of Jack as he kind of realizes he'd rather have Sawyer stay than Kate, and then at the end where Jack and Kate are in the same boat (so to speak) having lost him. Adding the triangle element to goodbye fic and putting a sort of different spin on it is great.

I'm trying to convince myself that Sawyer going on the raft is somehow for the best. I'm sure he'll be back. (He has to be back.)
May. 18th, 2005 06:37 am (UTC)
Thanks! I had a request to put Jack in there too, so that did put a different angle on it. So nice to hear you liked it. ;-)

Man, reading other goodbye fics is killing me! I'm going to be a wreck if Sawyer leaves on that raft! But he'll be back. The others all seem much more disposable! Well, to me anyway.

May. 18th, 2005 08:26 am (UTC)
Oh, that was great. Actually felt ALMOST a little bad for Kate. I said almost. LOL. I just can't like her. I used to! Anyway, poor Sawyer. Thinking for just one second he's getting what he wants, and then thinking she's doing it just to get his spot on the raft. Poor baby. LOL. Sometimes I think I give him too much sympathy, but I can't help it. My poor tortured soul.
May. 18th, 2005 08:43 am (UTC)
Danke! Ha! I see you supplied your own Sawyer POV.

I'm more of the camp that he just can't let anyone get close -- but yeah, Kate is *not* to be trusted, esp. after the events of 'Born to Run.'

And yes, I bend over backwards to make allowances for Sawyer. ;-) At least we know why he is the way he is. Kate - who the hell knows? Maybe when we know, she'll be more understandable or likable - or at least consistent, finally! Surprisingly, I don't hate her ... most of the time.

May. 18th, 2005 07:24 pm (UTC)
Gah. *is broken* You made me feel bad for Kate, damn you! Lol.
May. 18th, 2005 07:33 pm (UTC)
(hands you tape and bandages)

Sorry about that! ;-D For some reason, I wanted to do this from Kate's POV. (And Jack's.)
May. 18th, 2005 09:14 pm (UTC)
*heart broken*
That was sad. Really sad. And I normally don't read Sawyer/Kate fics, 'cause I don't really like Kate, but I felt bad for her this time. And I found very sweet that both Kate and Jack wanted Sawyer to stay. And I want Sawyer to stay too!!! STAAAAAAAY!!!

Oh, lovely work as usual ;)
May. 18th, 2005 09:34 pm (UTC)
Aw, glad I broke through the Kate hate. (I should probably hate her too, but I just don't!)

foxxcub thinks Jack and Kate should have comfort sex next. To ya know, make up for Sawyer being gone. ;-D Maybe. I just might have to write that. Ever since "Do No Harm," suddenly Jack/Kate is much more appealing to me, now that Jack has a darker side too.

Thanks for the super sweet fb! (bounces)

(no subject) - beanielover - May. 18th, 2005 11:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfdutch - May. 19th, 2005 01:48 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - beanielover - May. 20th, 2005 05:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 18th, 2005 10:26 pm (UTC)
Ah, so glad I got this in before the new episode aired! This was gorgeous, and hot, and angsty, and all other good things. And it twists, unexpectedly, too - a bonus! Well, at least, I wasn't expecting it... Anyway, the realizations that both Jack and Kate undergo, at multiple times during this fic, are so well done, and you did the shifting points of view quite well. I lovelovelove that you haven't done Sawyer's, leaving him still open to wide interpretation.

Also, loved that Sawyer was giving away his hoarde, really kicked it off with a sense of finality, and that impending finalness (new word, yay) carries on right to the perfectly bitter end of this fic. Thanks for sharing!
May. 19th, 2005 01:46 am (UTC)
(purrs from fab fb!)

Wow, thank you, doll! I'm so thrilled you liked it this much. Absolutely my pleasure to share. ;-D

Yeah, if Sawyer gives up his stuff, he's gotta think he's not coming back. (wibble)
May. 19th, 2005 11:37 am (UTC)
god I loved it, I just hold my breath when I read your fics!!!
May. 19th, 2005 11:42 am (UTC)
just one more thing, can I add you fic to the lost diaries: http://www.kateandsawyer.co.uk/index.php ? thanks ;)
May. 19th, 2005 11:54 am (UTC)
Yes, go ahead. ;-D

Aw, you are too sweet! Thank you!
(no subject) - petitevanou - May. 19th, 2005 12:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 22nd, 2005 10:23 am (UTC)
As his heart slows, the ocean is getting louder and louder, like it’s already trying to take him away from her.

*shivers* Beautiful.

Oh man, how did I miss this when it was posted? I'd blame "Exodus pt. 1" for turning my brain into a useless pile of mush, but that's no excuse.

Still, if it was a mushy pile then, it's now vaporized. *waves goodbye to brain... with a handkerchief and everything*

Heartbreakingly wrought. Stunning.

May. 22nd, 2005 07:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, you make me blush. (loves and smooshes you)


I posted this before "Exodus, Part 1," but I figured it might get a a little lost in the post-episode frenzy. (And what a frenzy it was. Whew! Still recovering!)
May. 29th, 2005 10:25 am (UTC)
Of course I skipped through all the Jack mentions but i love the S/K parts. Wishing you'd write them (only) tender sometime, not mushy either though.

Anyhoo, the jackass parts not withstanding, this is your best work IMO. :)

Thanks for sharing it.
May. 29th, 2005 10:18 pm (UTC)
Wow, thanks so much! Too bad we don't agree on Jack, but we can agree to disagree and just enjoy Sawyer, right? ;-D

I have written tender S/K at least twice. Don't know if you saw these fics:

Creature Comfort Missing scene from "Homecoming"

I'm Not Going Anywhere (my first Lost fanfic ever! Actually my first fanfic of any kind! - I must add to LJ one of these days)
Jun. 5th, 2005 07:30 pm (UTC)
I was digging around looking for all the bookmarks I lost and found this, something I missed when you posted it! Eeee!

That was just fantastic. Sexy and so, so sad. (Of course in my head Sawyer decides not to go and join them in the tent though, hehehe.)

Anyway, yeah, I really loved this. So glad I found it. :)
Jun. 6th, 2005 01:37 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you so much. (smooch)

Glad you liked it. A sad ending seemed to fit here - after all he's leeeeeaving! But he'll be back and then the ot3 can get back to geting it on -- even if it has to be AU, dammit! ;-D
( 38 comments — Leave a comment )


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