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Bad smut! Bad!

OK - I came across some *truly* bad writing and epic misspellings while looking for Sawyer fics to rec.

Cringe along with me, won't you?

Italics mine ...

"... the guy either treated her like garbage or he bolted the minute she wanted more than just sex from him. And she knew Sawyer was the epitome of the man she always fell for – charming, tough and exiting."

"Her hazel orbs slowly met the gaze, with his mysterious blue eyes."

"His tongue swiveled with hers as their mouths allowed it."

"She responded in the same manner, pulling off his white blouse, wanting to touch him all over rather sooner than later." (Sawyer wearing a blouse? Heh. And yeah, sooner's better for me too.)

"Kate didn’t hear the discrete click of a belt being unbuckled or the louder thumb of a pair of pants falling to the ground..." (Were the pants hitchhiking?)

"finding her hard nodule and gently massaging it" (Nodule. Just not a sexy word. More like something that ends up being cancerous.)

"Just as wonderful as the sex always was, just as terrible did the aftermath feel." (What is she, Yoda?)

"Jack in incredibly as he watched the man he hated more then anyone on the island trail a hand down a lean and taunt stomach."

"His mouth became baron and dry..."

"Immediately their lips locked in a frenzied kiss that set blood and cocks a blazing." (Sounds like the shootout at the OK Corral. LOL)

"Sawyer still found it nearly impossible to believe that the straight laced doctor was actually a fudge packer…" (Oh dear God)

"working the glittering golden zipper all the way down" (Wow, a magic zipper!)

"His own dick swaying in the wind…he called to its nature as he gripped it firmly within his hand and began to whack off like a mad man." (Huh? Was he taking a leak?)

"'Yeah well the way he was starring at me today made me think he really wouldn't mind.'"

"'Who had an orgasm and made you king of horny town, Sawyer?" Boone said, walking over. "Save some Jack for me.'"

"...tied his hands together eroticly." (Isn't bondage *always* erotic?)

"'What else you got in that bag, Sawer baby?" Jack asked, running his hands over Sawyer's Back." (Because Sawyer's Back is so fine it must be referred to in upper case?)

"Boone let out a loud scream that scared Jack to an orgasm." (Scared into an orgasm! Damn, I'm going to rent "Boogeyman!" ;-D)

"Jack looked at his still tight bonner, ad began to rub it gently."

"Am I dreaming or is there a foresome before my eyes?"

"It was a hot and steamy night, most of which was spent trying to tie Sawyer up." LOL!

(That's it! There should be a bad smut contest: "It was a hot and steamy night," like the "It was a dark and stormy night" contest.)

Now go read the side-splitting Crack!Fic kho wrote with some of these lines. ;-D


May. 30th, 2005 11:08 am (UTC)
Oh your god! thats the funniest thing ever laughed my arse off think my sister thought i was high
May. 30th, 2005 08:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I had to share the horror with someone else! ;-D
May. 31st, 2005 03:19 am (UTC)
whp wrote it anyway?
May. 31st, 2005 06:10 am (UTC)
These are taken from several different fics. None of the writers are on LJ. It's probably mean enough to mock them without mentioning their names. ;-D


Josh Maggie hug by _jeudi

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